SPEAKING IN TONGUES: A BEGINNERS GUIDE TO CUNNILINGUS

Guest written by Rain Andersen (@wearenotfriends_), a marketing and e-commerce coordinator for Lovers. Rain is a retired sex worker, pleasure advocate, and sexual wellness expert. Rain has worked in the adult entertainment industry for eight years and in the adult retail industry for four years.

There isn’t a single subscription to Rosetta Stone that will teach you this divine language. Learn to speak in tongues with Lovers first comprehensive guide to cunnilingus!

QUICK LINKS:

  1. The Anatomy of the Vulva
  2. Oral Etiquette 101
  3. Cunnilingus Techniques for Mind Blowing Oral
  4. The Best Positions for Cunnilingus
  5. The Best Oral Stimulating Sex Toys

The Anatomy of the Vulva

Understanding your partners anatomy can influence the quality of the oral sex that you provide. The more familiar you are with your partners body, the more you can refine your technique. Efforts to center female pleasure during the women’s rights movement focused on educating people about the important role the clitoris plays in female pleasure. I encourage readers to think of the clitoris as the star of the show while the labia minora, majora, and vagina all play important supporting roles.

The Clitoris: The clitoris is a sexual organ made of erectile tissue, meaning that it can engorge and harden when stimulated. Medical professionals describe this region of the body as a homologue of the male penis, meaning that it has chromosomal similarities to the penis from a structural and developmental perspective. This wishbone shaped organ exists primarily below the surface of the skin, and can be stimulated by massaging the labia majora and minora.

The glans clitoris refers to the exposed tissue located at the top of the vulva, just above the urethral opening. Interestingly, the glans contains the lowest percentage of erectile tissue in the clitoris but the highest concentration of nerve endings. The glans clitoris contains approximately 8,000 nerve endings, making it the most sensitive region of the female anatomy.

The clitoris is the only structure in the human body designed solely to provide pleasure. 

The Clitoral Hood: The clitoral hood refers to the prepuce of skin that surrounds the clitoral glans. It has a similar structure and function as the foreskin found on an uncircumcised penis, helping to protect the glans from friction during day-to-day activities. The clitoral hood, like all areas of the vulva, comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. During arousal, the clitoral hood peels back over the glans clitoris to expose the nerve endings as the glans hardens and fills with blood. Some individuals may find that holding the skin of their clitoral hood back will allow them to better stimulate these nerve endings.

The Labia Majora & Minora: The labia majora refers to the folds of skin and fatty tissue that extend from the mons pubis (the skin above the pubic bone). The majora refers to the outer layer of skin that grows hair, while the minora refers to the inner layer of skin and erectile tissue that surround the vaginal opening. The minora is lined with nerve endings that help us to distinguish touch at the smallest scale, trap and excrete moisture, and maintain a balanced pH that protects against viruses and bacteria. The optimal pH of the vulva is between 5.3-5.6 and is described as slightly acidic.

The Urethral Opening: The urethra is a tube that drains urine from the bladder. The opening of this tube can be seen and stimulated externally.

The Vagina: The vagina is triangular shaped, fibromuscular tube that connects the vulva to the cervix. It is the pathway which a penis or sex toy enters to stimulate erogenous zones like the G-spot. This area is supported by muscles in the pelvic floor that contract during orgasm.

The Perineum: The perineum is a fine layer of skin that separates the vestibule (the bottom of the vaginal opening) and the anus. This area is highly innervated, making it ultra-sensitive to touch.

The Anus: The anus is a band of muscular rings that help to control fecal continence. Because the anus plays an important role in our digestive cycle, it has the ability to distinguish between soft and hard stools. Consequently, many people enjoy stimulating the anus to activate these nerve endings.

Oral Etiquette 101

While its impossible to nail down a universal technique for providing oral (different bodies like different things), there are a few things that you can do to make any oral experience more elevated.

Clean Your Tool Kit: The female anatomy is intelligently designed to protect the vulva and vagina from bacteria’s and viruses, but it is not impervious to harm. It is considered proper etiquette to wash your hands and mouth prior to providing any type of oral sex. This will help to protect your partners from contracting uncomfortable UTIs, yeast infections, or bacterial imbalances. This goes for receivers, as well. Remember to wash your bits before expecting oral sex- you’re presenting them with a meal, not a scene from Fear Factor.

Finger Bang: The vulva is an area that is prone to tears and microdermabrasion's. These cuts are not only painful, they are a pathway to bacteria's and disease. To keep your partner and yourself safe, make sure to trim your nails before inserting them into the vagina. Avoid any rough or jagged edges that might catch or snag against your partners body. You can slide a sex toy or sleeve over your finger tips to add additional sensation and prevent fissures in the skin. We recommend the Evolved Helping Hand or the Evolved Fingerlicious Vibe.

Taste the Rainbow: Just like a penis, the vulva has its own unique flavor and taste. General hygiene aside, it is perfectly natural for the vulva to display a spectrum of flavors from salty and acidic to sweet and tangy. It is not your partners responsibility to have a pleasant tasting vagina, so unless its something that concerns you about their health, keep these opinions to yourself. 
Your partners flavor can alter with changes to diet or hormone production, which is why some partners notice a change in flavor when they become pregnant. Oral glides and supplements can also add sweetness or excitement to oral sex.


Warp Speed Sensation: Unless your partner has indicated that they enjoy a fast, aggressive, or unexpected approach to oral sex, stick to a gradual build up that allows the body to process sensation at its own pace. You can learn more about the body’s sexual response cycle in our blog on the anatomy of an orgasm.

We beg of you: stop sticking your fingers inside of us like you’re pushing all the buttons on an elevator panel.

Oral Sex During Menses: Don’t panic, but this area is known to bleed on a monthly basis. You should never shame your partner for this, regardless of your participation. Having oral sex during your partner’s menstrual cycle is completely safe (and tastes like pennies). If you are open to providing oral sex during or coming off of your partners period, they can use a tampon, dental dam, or menstrual cup to keep the area clean. You can also purchase absorbent blankets designed to keep your sheets fresh from start to finish. Not interested in oral sex during menses? Your consent is an important factor to having great oral sex. Communicate to your partner that you are not comfortable with providing oral sex during menstruation but would be happy to as soon as their cycle ends.

Tips and Tricks for Mind Blowing Oral Sex

Every body responds differently to touch. It can take years to perfect your oral technique with a monogamous partner. When we find new partners, it can be disappointing to discover that the methods and techniques we’ve learned don’t always translate to different bodies. Learn to speak your lovers divine language with these six techniques, designed to enhance communication and improve oral sex:

Ask Questions: Asking questions is not only essential to strengthening your technique, its also hot… very hot. With your partners legs spread, gently stroke up and down on the clitoris, before using your finger to create small circles on the surface of the glans.

“What feels better, this or this?”

Asking your partner what they prefer and giving them options to choose from can help you to quickly identify how they like to be touched. Using this method, try to determine if your partner prefers soft or firm touches, fast or slow touches, and circular or sweeping motions. This or that pairings can lead to anticipation as your partner envisions how they will be touched next. Our blog on masturbating the vulva will walk you through 10 ways to touch this hot zone.

Give Them a Leg Massage: Because the clitoral legs live beneath the surface of the skin, they can be much harder to stimulate. Gently massage the inner and outer labia to increase blood flow and enhance sensitivity. You can massage this area using both your thumbs to apply mild pressure to labia, or use your index and middle finger (like a peace sign) to massage up and down the legs. You can use this technique with or without tongue stimulation.

Pull Their Hair: Did you know that our pubic hair is connected to individual nerve endings? Not only does public hair serve the function of protecting the vulva from bacteria and friction, it also is a source of pleasure for many individuals. Some people enjoy having these hairs gently tugged on during oral sex to add stimulation.

Suck It: Oral sex stimulating toys are typically designed to recreate this iconic cunnilingus technique. Create a seal around the clitoris, using your lips to gently suck on the glans. Some individuals prefer to pull air in, creating a miniature vortex of air that encircles the glans. You can intensify this sensation by using your tongue to lick and flick as you suck. Think of it like the world tiniest hickey.

Multitask: Looking to level up your oral sex game? One of the most effective ways to enhance oral sex is to spread out stimulation across multiple erogenous zones. Here are a few ways that you can mix up sensation and trigger full body goosebumps.

  • Lick or suck on the clitoris while using a finger to add pressure to the G-spot or anus
  • Lick or suck on the clitoris, while placing your thumb directly on top of the vaginal or anal opening
  • Stimulate the clitoris while using your spare hand to trace your partners body, tug on their nipples, or (if they consent to it) suck on your fingers
  • Use your tongue to stimulate around the vaginal opening while your hands stimulate the anus or clitoris
  • Use your hands to stimulate the clitoris or vagina as you kiss or nibble along the inner thighs

Make Eye Contact: Everyone loves a little eye contact. In Relish’s article, “The Power of Eye Contact During Intimate Moments” we learn that eye contact plays a vital role in how we develop trust, stay focused, and improve sexual chemistry.

Introduce a Sex Toy: Patting your head and rubbing your tummy is said to be virtually impossible. For those who struggle to multitask, try introducing a sex toy. There is nothing wrong with wanting to dedicate your focus to a single area, and many people with vulvas will tell you- they prefer it. But if you’re looking to build arousal to the point of combustion, a sex toy can help you to execute this complicated balancing act. Single motor vibrators like the Evolved Quilted Love or the We-Vibe Jive are both popular internal stimulators that will stay out of the way while you lick, flick, and suck on your partners bits.

The Best Positions for Oral Sex

Classic Missionary: Straight forward and to the point, classic missionary is a popular pose for oral sex that allows the receiver to fully relax and focus on the sensations at play.

Doggie Style: Ever had oral sex in doggie? It’s *chefs kiss* a personal favorite, because it exposes the entirety of the vulva, allows the receiver to lean (or push) into pleasure, and it's visually compelling for the giver. You can purchase a positioning wedge to add additional support to this pose.

The Happy Baby: Yogi’s are probably familiar with this pose. Receivers should lay on their back, bringing their thighs close to their chest. Your ankles should be perpendicular to your calves, using your hands to support your pose. This leaves the vulva exposed for stimulation.

Queening: Queening (or face sitting) is the act of straddling your partner during oral sex. It’s a powerful pose that allows the receiver to lean into their pleasure and direct stimulation. You can find queening stools at some specialty retailers that allow you to leave the vulva exposed while supporting the bulk of your partners weight.

The Kivin Method: The Kivin Method was a position popularized on Reddit that is said to trigger a climax in under three minutes. Though we can’t attest that this method works for all bodies, it’s definitely worth investigating as you perfect your technique. To try this method, use your index finger and thumb to raise and steady the clitoris. Instead of licking up and down, givers should angle themselves to lick from side to side, sweeping directly over the clitoral hood. Learn more about this trending technique in Cosmopolitans guide to the Kivin Method.

The Best Oral Stimulating Sex Toys

Experience divinity with the Womanizer Premium. The Womanizer Premium features 12 levels of tremors, from soft to strong, providing powerful, quaking orgasms. The contactless suction from the silicone nub is powered by Pleasure Air Technology. Now you can experience the sensation of cunnilingus during solo play.
The LELO Sona 2 ($99)
Discover new sensations with the LELO Sona 2, a sonic air vibrator that exposes 75% of the clitoral nerve endings! The Sona 2 surrounds and hugs your clitoris so you don't miss a single beat. Cycle through 12 settings to find which one gives you a back-arching release.

Her Ultimate Pleasure simultaneous licks, sucks, and vibrates so you can reach a scream-worthy orgasm. This versatile pleasure wand features four stimulating motors for a plethora of options for your release.
The Lickity Slit ($69)
Cycle through seven powerful, flickering speeds and functions with this life-like oral stimulator. Rest the oval-shaped cup over your vulva to align the silicone tongue with your most sensitive regions.

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Further Readings

How to Reduce the Risk of STDs During Cunnilingus: Health.com
Cunnilingus Guide by Sex with Emily: Masterclass
Researchers Explore the Roots of Cunnilingus: PsyPost

WITH PLEASURE,

LOVERS