DICK TALK: STRATEGIES & SEX TOYS FOR LASTING LONGER IN BED

Guest Written by Bobby Box (@bybobbybox) is a freelance writer and editor whose work on sex and culture has been published in countless publications, including: Playboy, Elle, NewNowNext, Billboard, Daily Beast, Them., The Advocate, Women’s Health, Mel Magazine and AskMen.

One in three men will experience premature ejaculation (PE) at some point in their lives.

If it happens to you, hopefully you’ll find comfort in knowing that this kind of thing is super common. Most, if not all, penis-havers can recall a time they might not have lasted as long as they would have liked. Personally, I can name many.

According to research, which measured sexual duration by “intravaginal ejaculation latency time” (which begins when the penis enters the vagina and ends at ejaculation), the average sexual session will last around 5.4 minutes. By contrast, the time it takes a vulva-owner to climax is around 13 to 25 minutes. 

The considerable discrepancy between these figures contribute to the “orgasm gap,” which, according to a massive study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that 95 percent of heterosexual men “usually” or “always” experience orgasms, whereas only 65 percent of heterosexual women do. (Gay and bisexual men and women fell in between the aforementioned figures.)

Thankfully, there are a number of relatively simple (and fun!) strategies you can use if you’re looking to increase endurance and stamina in the bedroom. We’ve included them below. 

QUICK LINKS:

  1. What is Premature Ejaculation?
  2. 6 Techniques for Improving Stamina
  3. The Best Stamina Training Sex Toys

What is Premature Ejaculation?

The definition of premature ejaculation is self-regulated. It is defined as “when ejaculation occurs faster than you or your partner would like.” But if you’re looking for solid figures, the Mayo Clinic defines premature ejaculation as “always or nearly always ejaculating within one minute of penetration,” whereas the International Society for Sexual Medicine considers anything under three minutes premature. 

6 Techniques for Improving Stamina 

Pause & Squeeze:


We-Vibe Verge Cock and Balls Ring
($119)

When you feel the urge to ejaculate, stop and squeeze (or have your partner squeeze) the top of your penis where the head meets the shaft, with your thumb on one side and your forefingers on the other. Keep squeezing until the urge to ejaculate is gone; this can take anywhere from 10 to 30 seconds. Eventually, as you become more familiar with the technique, you may be able to delay orgasm without the squeeze. 

Edging:


Arcwave Ion Pleasure Stroker
 ($199)

Edging goes by many monikers: “peaking”, “surfing” and the “stop-and-start” technique, to name a few. It is the continued process of bringing yourself to the “edge” of climax, then stopping and repeating the process when you’re feeling less aroused. Edging, essentially, gets you better acquainted with your body so you can recognize when you’re about to climax and know how to effectively adjust, whether that’s slowing down, switching to oral sex, stopping completely, etc.

Kegels:


Premium LED Rechargeable Penis Pump
($109)

When you hear of Kegel exercises, it often references people with vulvas. But it can be just as beneficial for penis-owners. Kegel exercises help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which surround the genitals and are imperative to their function, which can help delay and improve quality of orgasms. 

Pelvic floor exercises are fairly simple, using the same muscles you do when stopping urination, engage these muscles for 10 sets of three throughout the day. Another way to engage these muscles is to throw a towel or t-shirt over your erection and lift. Similar to edging, bring yourself to the edge of climax and, as arousal dissipates, perform kegels until you’re nearly flaccid and repeat the process.

Masturbation:

If you’ve got time to spare, some find it helpful to masturbate an hour or two prior to a sexual encounter as it can reduce the need to climax quickly.

Condoms:


Trojan Extended Pleasure 12 Pack Condoms ($8.50)

They say wearing a condom during sex is like taking a shower with a shower cap on. If sensitivity is an issue, this analogy could be incredibly beneficial since condoms act as a barrier which can decrease sensitivity. If you’re looking for a thicker condom, keep an eye out for words like “extra strength” or “extra safe.” There are even “climax control” and “extended pleasure” condoms that have numbing agents inside them. (More on numbing agents below.)

Desensitizers:


Wicked Over Time Delay Cream ($18.50)

Numbing agents usually come in a spray or cream which contain lidocaine, an anesthetic typically used by dentists to numb mouths and gums for surgery. Don’t worry though, the dosage for your penis is much lower. You’ll still have sensation in the penis, just with decreased sensitivity. Research has shown that these creams can increase latency time by as much as 8.7 minutes. These treatments are typically applied to the tip of the penis (the most sensitive area) 15 to 30 minutes prior to sexual activity.

The Best Stamina Training Sex Toys

Similar to edging, sex toys help you better understand your body and which sensations it’s most sensitive to. It’s also just a lot of fun. Here are some penis sex toy recommendations with different sensations to get you started:


If you’ve tried the above options and haven’t seen much of a difference, consider speaking with a doctor, therapist or urologist to work on your individual experiences with PE. In the meantime, try placing less emphasis on penetration. For some reason we’ve all got it in our heads that penetration is the only “real” way to have sex, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Oral sex, manual (or digital) sex and sex toys are fantastic alternatives that are just as legitimate and satisfying as penetration with a penis.

Want more great sex tips?
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Further Readings

How to Clean Your Stroker
The Perfect Fit: A Guide to Choosing a Cock Ring with Bobby Box
Better Then Your Hand: The Wonderful World of Strokers

WITH PLEASURE,

LOVERS