Co-authored by Rain Sunae (@wearenotfriends_) & Dana Grey (@danathehardway). Rain Andersen is a veteran sworker with nine years in adult entertainment and five years working for Lovers. Dana is the lead copywriter for Lovers. She is passionate about writing, allyship, sex-positivity, and telling good jokes.

DISCLAIMER: While we would never kink shame, we feel it's important to point out a few caveats to these types of kinks. Voyeurism is only appropriate when consented to by all parties. Any kind of sexual act committed in a public space is illegal and many public places are likely to have underage folks present who, no matter what, cannot consent. The point- please be extra thoughtful and careful when you consider partaking in these types of activities.

So you want to fuck outside. Cool, cool. Since it’s technically illegal, steps must be taken in order to ensure a quality experience for all. First, let’s get into the nitty gritty of public sex. No, I’m not talking about sand in your ass. The desire to be watched while having sex is called exhibitionism. Wanting to watch other people have sex is called Voyeurism. Both of these desires, as long as they are consensual, and don’t cause you to lose track of the rest of your life are completely normal. Both can be thrilling and fun! So, how do you go about it? That’s exactly why we assembled this handy guide.

QUICK LINKS:

1. What is Voyeurism?
2. What is Exhibitionism?
3. Bushcraft: The Ultimate Public Sex Kit
4. How to Have (Safe) Sex in Public
5. The Best Places to Fuck Outdoors

What is Voyeurism?

Voyeur is a term used to describe someone who derives sexual enjoyment from watching other people in sexually compromised, exposed, or suggestive situations. In the past, people have referred to voyeurs as “Peeping Toms.” This term has developed some negative connotations over the years, used to describe the symptoms of voyeuristic disorders, rather than the full spectrum of voyeuristic acts and behaviors. As social media platforms continue to encourage and permit voyeuristic activities, we shy further and further away from this terminology.

The Journal of Sex Research conducted a study in 2016 that would change our perception of voyeurism, and other paraphilic interests* in a major way. The Prevalence of Paraphilic Interests and Behaviors in the General Population surveyed over 1,000 different subjects with paraphilic interests. This study revealed that roughly 46% of their volunteers expressed an interest in voyeurism, with 35% acting on their voyeuristic fantasies. In summary, voyeuristic fantasies are considered to be one of the most common sexual fantasies among the general population (based on a study conducted with subjects from the province of Quebec, Canada, in 2015).

• Most voyeurs DO NOT have a voyeuristic disorder
• A voyeuristic disorder is defined by a person's ability to function in their day-to-day life, without disruption or distress related to voyeuristic  thoughts
• While the idea of secretly observing a partner is a part of voyeuristic play, it is important to always receive consent from the person you are observing in advance
  
  *The DSM-5 defines paraphila as “any intense and persistent sexual interest other than sexual interest in genital stimulation or preparatory fondling with phenotypically normal, physically mature, consenting human partners (p.685).”

What is Exhibitionism? 

Exhibitionist is a term used to describe someone who derives sexual enjoyment from being observed by others in sexually compromised, exposed, or suggestive situations. In the past, we’ve referred to exhibitionists as “Flashers.” These days, exhibitionist behaviors have evolved to include other thrill seeking activities like swinger clubs, outdoor sex, and Bluetooth sex toys. People participate in exhibitionist activities to add excitement to their sexual experiences. Because having sex and exposing ourselves in public is technically illegal, it can create a sense of danger, adventure, and exhilaration.

• Most exhibitionists DO NOT have an exhibitionism disorder
• A exhibitionism disorder is typically accompanied by extreme psychological distress and impairment at the onset of disruptive exhibitionist thoughts
• It is not clear how many people suffer from an exhibitionism disorder, though they appear to be quite rare. It is estimated that approximately 2-3% of people with penises struggle with disruptive exhibitionist thoughts.

Bushcraft 101: Creating a Kit for Mind-blowing Public Sex

If you’ve ever experienced the thrill of having sex in public, then you’ve certainly experienced some of the distressing circumstances that can follow in it’s wake. It never hurts to have things like bug spray, water, or a first-aid kit on hand (location-depending). Gone are the days of morning after pills, raw genitals, and dinner date breath- this kit will make you feel like the Bear Grylls of outdoor sex. 

Swiss Navy Toy and Body Cleansing Wipes ($12.00)

These portable cleansing wipes are the perfect way to prepare for and clean up from your outdoor adventure. These wet wipes are designed to compliment your natural pH balance, removing odor-causing bacteria, and leaving you smelling as fresh as the daisies that you are being railed in.

LELO Hex 12 Pack Condoms ($19.50)

Have you ever made the spontaneous decision to go sans-condom? Condoms are an essential part of anyone’s casual sex kit, because they protect you and others from spreading harmful bacteria, infections, and diseases. We love LELO’s Hex Condoms- which offer strength, durability, texture, and peace of mind with every experience.

Mouthwatering Oral Sex Spray ($18.50)

This portable throat spray is the ultimate traveling companion! Created with malic acid, a citrus flavored chemical derived from fruits and wines, this spray improves natural saliva production to allow for an ultra-lubricated oral sex experience. PRO TIP: Mouthwatering Oral Sex Spray is great for treating cotton mouth, too!

Evolved Fingerlicious Vibrator ($44.00)

Add some electricity to your experience with this portable finger vibrator, designed to stay tethered in place! The Evolved Fingerlicious Vibrator can be used with or without its textured sleeve, for two delicious sensations. Equipped with ten settings and functions, and designed to work under water, the Fingerlicious Vibrator is the ultimate outdoor accessory.

How to Have Ethical Public Sex

It’s important to have our fun without causing distress to anyone or anything in the process. Many of our tips for doing it under the open sky, also have your best interests in mind:

Dress for Success
If you think you might get down and dirty in a public place, be sure to wear an outfit that’s easy to take off and put back on quickly, or incorporate pieces that provide access to the parts of you that will be making a cameo during your session. Think dresses or skirts (or kilts!), pants with longer zip or button flies so they offer a wider opening, elastic waist bottoms for slipping hands into, zip up jackets, etc. 

Talk It Out
Can you decide to have sex in public on the fly? Sure- but it will be a better experience if you chat about it with your partner beforehand so you know your expectations and boundaries are aligned. Be sure to get consent and keep checking in throughout the experience. Ask about what they are and aren’t willing to do, where they think they would be comfortable doing something like this, and even consider having a Safe Word for if something goes awry or you think you’re about to get caught.

Leave It the Way You Found It (or Better)
No matter where you decide to get down, be sure you leave no trace. The environmentalists have it right on this account. Whatever you bring with you, take with you when you go or dispose of it appropriately (no flushing condoms please). Don’t cause damage to property and tidy up when you’re done.

Assume the Position
This probably isn’t the moment for that Kama Sutra position you’ve been dying to try. Go with basic positions that are less distracting like:

• Pressing your bodies together and using your hands for mutual masturbation
• Standing doggie style with the bent over partners hands against something sturdy
• Missionary position, while standing (this could involve one partner holding the other partner up)
• From behind, one partner leaning against the other

Let Go, But Have An Escape Route
We recommend scoping out an escape route from your chosen spot, that way you can avoid creating a bigger scene if someone calls you out and you’ll feel more prepared, which will allow you to relax a little. If you’re considering public sex, it’s because it thrills you so feel free to let your guard down for a few moments when you finally make it happen and truly enjoy it! 

The Best Places to Have Sex in Public

In closing, we've created a non-exhaustive list of places you could consider for your next sexy adventure:

• Restaurant Bathroom 
• National or Community Park
• Hotel Staircase
• In a Field (Bonus Points: If you manage it on or against some farm equipment)
• Garage or Parking Garage
• Car
• Boat
• Sightseeing Peaks
• By or In a River
• Under the Stairs (Harry Potter Cupboard-Under-the-Stairs-Vibes)
• Swimming Pool or Hot Tub
• Swingers Clubs
• Library
• Balcony / Against the Window
• The Woods
• In an Outdoor Shower

Want more great sex tips?
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Further Readings:

From Scopophilia to Survivor - A Brief History of Voyeurism: University of Michigan 
Voyeur Nation - Changing Definitions of Voyeurism, 1950-2004: Harvard Review
The Moderating Role of Voyeurism & Selfie-Posting Behavior: Indian Institute of Foreign Trade

WITH PLEASURE,

LOVERS