HUNTING FOR UNICORNS: A COUPLES GUIDE TO THREESOMES

Guest written by Rain Andersen (@wearenotfriends_) a veteran sworker with nine years in adult entertainment and five years working for Lovers.

Are you and your partner interested in having a threesome? This article will introduce you to popular sex positions, safety tips, and product recommendations for your next three-way.

QUICK LINKS:

1. Threesomes 101
2. Three’s Company: A Couples Guide to Finding a Unicorn
3. The Best Sex Positions for Your Next Ménage a Trois
4. 4 Ways to Derail Your Threesome Fantasy
5. The Perfect Threesome

Threesomes 101

What is a Threesome?
A threesome refers to any sexual encounter that involves three, consenting participants. Threesomes can involve any combination of couples and singles.

What Qualifies as an Orgy?
An orgy refers to any sexual encounter that involves five or more consenting participants. An orgy is synonymous with the term “group sex.”

Why Do People Have Threesomes?
Threesomes are considered to be one of the top sexual fantasies among adults in the United States. They can add novelty and excitement to your sexual routine, strengthen partnered bonds, and improve communication between couples- but most of all, they can be really, really hot!

What Types of Expectations & Boundaries Should Be Discussed in Advance of a Threesome?

• The "Unicorn"
  If you are in a partnered relationship, you'll want to discuss the type of people you'd like to involve in your threesome. It's important to take everyone's preferences into account when preparing for a three way, including the preferences of your third.
  
  
• Safe Sex Practices
  It might feel intimating to talk about your sexual health, but it can play an important role in the success of your threesome. You can use services like Nurx and EverlyWell to aid in this process. These are two popular services that allow you to exchange sexual health information with new sexual partners, from the comfort of your phone. 
  
  
• Confidentiality
  Check with your partner (and your third) about the level of discretion they are looking for. Some people may not feel comfortable with broadcasting their sexual experiences.
  
  
• Boundaries
  Every couple will have their own unique set of preferences when it comes to establishing boundaries around multi-partnered intimacy. Some couples may allow penetration, but consider kissing to be a deal breaker. Other couples may choose to limit themselves to certain styles of play. Discuss how you can set clear expectations and boundaries for your third prior to beginning your search.
  
  
• Pre & Post Event Plans
  It’s easy to forget how much time we can spend preparing for and winding down from a three-way. Make sure to discuss pre and post event logistics such as, “can my third stay the night,” “is my space fit to host,” or “is alone time part of my, or my partners aftercare process?”
   

How Do I Bring Up the Idea of Threesome’s to My Partner?

It can be scary to broach the subject of a threesome with a partner. Many people worry that bringing up the idea of a three-way will give their partner the impression that they are not satisfied with them sexually.

Bringing up the topic of threesomes is not unlike discussing other sexual activities- we can make people feel more comfortable by approaching these conversations with curiosity and openness. Start by finding out if your partner has ever fantasized about threesomes, or would ever consider being in a threesome. Sharing your fantasies about multi-partnered sex and reveling in the idea of a shared erotic experience can be a great way to begin exploring threesomes.

Three’s Company: A Couples Guide to Finding a Unicorn

What is a Unicorn?

Have you ever heard someone use the phase Unicorn Hunting? A Unicorn is a term that has used by couples to describe the third participant in a threesome. They are referred to as a Unicorn because they are said to be rare and difficult to find.

What you may not know, is that describing people as a Unicorn may not always be appropriate. It can feel dehumanizing to those described as Unicorns, and can magnify an already existing power imbalance between couples and their new sexual partner.

They are referred to as a unicorn because they are said to be rare and difficult to find.

Where Do We Find a Third?

Arranging a threesome has never been easy, but as the threesome fantasy continues to gain momentum in conventional media there has never been greater demand for it. You may be curious about threesomes, regardless of whether you’d dare to participate in one yourself. Many people view threesomes as a sort of erotic merit badge, validating their sexual status and desirability.

This fascination with threesomes has spawned a variety of ways for couples (or pairs) to locate partners for casual sex. Take a look at some of the most common methods that people are using to locate a third, below.

Apps & Social Networking

Locating a partner for a threesome became far less complicated once technology intervened. Hookup apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge have normalized, and in many ways popularized threesomes in mainstream culture, helping to inspire two, highly successful apps: Feeld & 3Somer.

Feeld is a free phone app designed to connect couples to individuals interested in casual sex, polyamory, swinging, and other alternative sexual practices. The app uses a similar formula to Tinder, with location-based connections and in-app purchases that facilitate more direct communication with your matches. Feeld boasts over 20+ sexuality and gender identity options, 700k+ monthly connections, and 10 million messages exchanged between users each month.

3Somer is a competing phone app that targets members of the swinger community. The app has two primary features that allow users to seek out local partners or access recommended matches based off of profile activity. While 3Somer lacks the same saturated userbase that the Feeld app does, the system’s “reverse match” feature helps to attract more connections, boosting in-app user sessions and increasing the odds of a match.

While technology may have drastically improved people’s odds of having a threesome, it doesn’t guarantee it. There are (rightfully) a few more boxes that people need to check before fluids are exchanged. Here are some of our favorite ways to make a third feel comfortable when building out your joint dating profile.

• Create Individual Bios
  In American culture, people have been taught to view their partners as an extension of themselves. When preparing for a threesome, it may feel more comfortable to market yourself as a couple. Do your best not to. You are individuals, not conjoined twins. Write (short and sweet) bios that showcase who you both are and what you each bring to the table.
  
  
• Be Honest & Direct
  Don’t be coy. There shouldn’t be any confusion about what you’re looking for in your profile. Whether you’re busting out a few lazy unicorn emojis or spelling it out in capital letters- let them know what you and your partner are there for.
  
  
• Share Photos (Of Both of You)
  Let potential partners know who you are by sharing a good balance of coupled and individual photos. Choose images that showcase your personality, and give people an idea of what to expect from the both of you.

Swinger Clubs & Retreats

Swinger clubs and retreats had never been more successful before COVID hit. Suddenly, an industry that thrived on connection was threatened by mandatory distancing. It’s now March 2022, just weeks out from when Washington’s mask mandate is schedule to end but already long past the time that residents have stopped wearing their masks. Swinger clubs around the United States are awakening from their three-year slumber.

Swinger clubs have always been a place where couples can converge and find interested participants for multi-partnered encounters. Though swinger clubs typically profit through memberships, finding one that you enjoy is well worth the annual fee. It provides you access to dungeon equipment, playrooms, events- and most importantly, a network of potential play partners.

The Old-Fashioned Way

Traditionally, couples may meet partners for threesomes during entirely ordinary encounters. Believe it or not people can and do meet people in bars, restaurants, libraries, grocery stores, classrooms, and all other sorts of common-areas.

The Best Sex Positions for Your Next Ménage a Trois

Barrel of Monkeys
This classic game has one objective: to link all the plastic monkey’s together into a chain. The intent of this position is the same. Have one participant lay on their back, with their legs hanging off the edge of the bed, as another partner provides them oral. This will leave the rear of the giver exposed, allowing room for oral or penetration.

The Eiffel Tower
This classic threesome position is inspired by Paris' iconic Eiffel Tower. To get in this position, have two participants stand, allowing for ample face-to-face connection. Let the third participant acts as a bridge, providing oral and penetrative pleasure to those that are standing.

London Bridge
The London Bridge reimagines the classic doggie position, by placing a third partner underneath to stimulate erogenous zones like the nipples, inner thighs, and neckline.

Double Penetration
Double penetration is on many people’s threesome wish list. Fortunately, there are many positions that can facilitate this particular act. For M/M/F romps, we recommend the classic cowgirl position, that leaves the rear exposed for anal penetration.

Double Oral
Take your oral experience to new heights with this scandalous position. Let a primary receiver stand or sit, leaving their genitals exposed to be licked and sucked on by the other two participants.

4 Ways to Derail Your Threesome Fantasy

Threesomes can be the source of some of our most vivid fantasies, but as many of us know- threesomes can also be a breeding ground for jealousy and cringy sexual encounters. Here are five of the most common challenges people run in to when executing their first three-ways.

1. Making It About You
   A threesome is designed to bring pleasure to all participants. We may feel inclined to focus extra attention on our partners to bolster their sense of security, but remember that a threesome is designed to be experienced by three people, not just one or two.
   
   
2. Unequal Buy-In
   Threesomes should be mutually arousing to all participants. A threesome can only be successful if all parties feel comfortable and consent.
   
   
3. Changing Up the Rules Mid-Way
   When we’re aroused, we release all sorts of pleasurable hormones that can make us feel invincible. You may feel suddenly inspired to throw caution to the wind (suddenly, I feel fine about my partner penetrating someone anally). Do your best to reflect on these urges post-threesome once you’ve had adequate time to process your desires.
   
   
4. Creating Too Many Parameters
   It’s not uncommon for couples to set a number of rules to try and control the narrative of their threesome, like “we can touch you, but you may not touch us.” Putting too many restrictions around your playtime is going to eliminate opportunities to explore, and may make it difficult to satisfy all parties.

The Perfect Threesome: Sex Toys, BDSM Gear, and Potions

Looking to maximize your threesome? Sex toys, BDSM gear, and potions are popular ways to enhance your threesome experience. Take a look at some of our favorite items for turning up the heat on multi-partnered encounters.

The Anywhere Vibe, $79.00

The Fun Factory Be One, $70.00

Sportsheets Special Edition Bed Restraints, $99.00

Liberator Flip Ramp, $229.00

Together Dual Vibe, $219.00