HUNTING FOR UNICORNS: A COUPLES GUIDE TO THREESOMES

Guest written by Rain Andersen (@wearenotfriends_) a veteran sworker with nine years in adult entertainment and five years working for Lovers.

March celebrates International Threesome Day, and we want you to celebrate this holiday in style! Our threesomes 101 article contains everything you need to embark on your adventure.

QUICK LINKS:

  1. Threesomes 101
  2. Three’s Company: A Couples Guide to Finding a Unicorn
  3. The Best Sex Positions for Your Next Ménage a Trois
  4. 4 Ways to Derail Your Threesome Fantasy
  5. The Perfect Threesome

Threesomes 101

What is a Threesome?
A threesome refers to any sexual encounter that involves three, consenting participants.

What Qualifies as an Orgy?
An orgy refers to any sexual encounter that involves five or more consenting participants. An orgy is synonymous with the term “group sex.”

Why Do People Enjoy Multi-Partnered Sex?

Double the Body Parts, Double the Pleasure

Fantasies about having sex with multiple partners are extremely common. We often think of threesomes as being an act of excess or abundance- typically meant to service us or someone we love by making them the object of attention. A threesome may intrigue you if you like the idea of being overwhelmed by attention, stimulation, or affection.

 

What Types of Expectations & Boundaries Should Be Discussed in Advance of a Threesome?

  • The Unicorn
    Talk to your partner about the type of people you’d be interested in inviting into your bedroom. You may feel like your third should look or act a certain way in order to meet certain criteria of your fantasies. Talk with your partner about which elements of your threesome fantasy are negotiable by using statements like: “I want them to X-Y-Z so that I can feel X-Y-Z.”

  • Safe Sex Practices
    Having casual sex warrants a discussion about safe sex. Many people using phone apps to hook up will request recent STI test results if there is an expectation of sex taking place. Nurx and EverlyWell are two, popular services that allow people to screen for STI's discreetly from their own home. You might also consider stocking up on a variety of protective barriers including latex and non-latex condoms, dental dams, and lubricants for sensitive tissues.

  • Confidentiality
    Check with your partner and your unicorn about the level of discretion they are looking for. Some people may not feel comfortable with broadcasting their sexual experiences.

  • Boundaries
    Every couple will have their own unique set of preferences when it comes to establishing boundaries around multi-partnered intimacy. Some couples may allow penetration, but consider kissing to be a deal breaker. Other couples may choose to limit themselves to certain styles of play. Discuss how you can set clear expectations and boundaries for your third prior to beginning your search.

  • Pre & Post Event Plans
    It’s easy to forget how much time we can spend preparing for and winding down from a three-way. Make sure to discuss pre and post event logistics such as, “can my third stay the night,” “is my space fit to host,” or “is alone time part of my, or my partners aftercare process?”

 

How Do I Bring Up the Idea of Threesome’s to My Partner?

It can be scary to broach the subject of a threesome with a partner. Many people worry that bringing up the idea of a three-way will give their partner the impression that they are not satisfied with them sexually.

Bringing up the topic of threesomes is not unlike discussing other sexual activities- we can make people feel more comfortable by approaching these conversations with curiosity and openness. Start by finding out if your partner has ever fantasized about threesomes, or would ever consider being in a threesome. Sharing your fantasies about multi-partnered sex and reveling in the idea of a shared erotic experience can be a great way to begin exploring the subject of threesomes.

Three’s Company: A Couples Guide to Finding a Unicorn

What is a Unicorn?

While some threesomes can occur spontaneously between uncoupled individuals, they are typically elicited by, and premeditated by monogamous couples and couples in open relationships. A unicorn is a term that is used to describe the third participant that joins that couple. They are referred to as a unicorn because they are said to be rare and difficult to find.

They are referred to as a unicorn because they are said to be rare and difficult to find.

Where Do We Find a Unicorn?

Arranging a threesome has never been easy, but as the threesome fantasy continues to gain momentum in conventional media there has never been greater demand for it. You may be curious about threesomes, regardless of whether you’d dare to participate in one yourself. Many people view threesomes as a sort of erotic merit badge, validating their sexual status and desirability.

This fascination with threesomes has spawned a variety of ways for couples (or pairs) to locate partners for casual sex. Take a look at some of the most common methods that people are using to locate their mythical creatures, below.

Apps & Social Networking

Locating a partner for a threesome became far less complicated once technology intervened. Hookup apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge have normalized, and in many ways popularized threesomes in mainstream culture, helping to inspire two, highly successful apps: Feeld & 3Somer.

Feeld is a free phone app designed to connect couples to individuals interested in casual sex, polyamory, swinging, and other alternative sexual practices. The app uses a similar formula to Tinder, with location-based connections and in-app purchases that facilitate more direct communication with your matches. Feeld boasts over 20+ sexuality and gender identity options, 700k+ monthly connections, and 10 million messages exchanged between users each month.

3Somer is a competing phone app that targets members of the swinger community. The app has two primary features that allow users to seek out local partners or access recommended matches based off of profile activity. While 3Somer lacks the same saturated userbase that the Feeld app does, the system’s “reverse match” feature helps to attract more connections, boosting in-app user sessions and increasing the odds of a match.

While technology may have drastically improved people’s odds of having a threesome, it doesn’t guarantee it. There are (rightfully) a few more boxes that people need to check before fluids are exchanged. Here are some of our favorite ways to make a unicorn feel comfortable when building out your joint dating profile.

  • Create Individual Bios
    In American culture, people have been taught to view their partners as an extension of themselves. We hear phrases like “You complete me” and “I’m lost without you,” that leave us with phantom pains that only a partner can soothe. When preparing for a threesome, our sense of personal security may feel under attack. It may feel more comfortable to market yourself as a couple: do your best not to. You are individuals, not conjoined twins. Write (short and sweet) bios that showcase who you both are and what you each bring to the table.

  • Be Honest & Direct
    Don’t be coy. There shouldn’t be any confusion about what you’re looking for in your profile. Whether you’re busting out a few lazy unicorn emojis or spelling it out in capital letters- let them know what you and your partner are there for.

  • Share Photos (Of Both of You)
    The rules are the rules, friends. Fortunately, even the best threesome apps have restrictions built-in to protect us from the bad stuff- so no, I’m not taking about nudes. Just a good balance of individual photos and coupled photos. Aww, we’re you bummed about the nude’s thing? Well, Feeld offers a feature called Expired Photos just for your favorite matches. Use it wisely.

Swinger Clubs & Retreats

Swinger clubs and retreats had never been more successful before COVID hit. Suddenly, an industry that thrived on connection was threatened by mandatory distancing. It’s now March 2022, just weeks out from when Washington’s mask mandate is schedule to end but already long past the time that residents have stopped wearing their masks. Swinger clubs around the United States are awakening from their three-year slumber.

Swinger clubs have always been a place where couples can converge and find interested participants for multi-partnered encounters. Though swinger clubs typically profit through memberships, finding one that you enjoy is well worth the annual fee. It provides you access to dungeon equipment, playrooms, events- and most importantly, a network of potential play partners.

The Old-Fashioned Way

Traditionally, couples may meet partners for threesomes during entirely ordinary encounters. Believe it or not people can and do meet people in bars, restaurants, libraries, grocery stores, classrooms, and all other sorts of common-areas.

    The Best Sex Positions for Your Next Ménage a Trois

    Barrel of Monkeys
    This classic game has one objective: to link all the plastic monkey’s together into a chain. The intent of this position is the same. Have one participant lay on their back, with their legs hanging off the edge of the bed, as another partner provides them oral. This will leave the rear of the giver exposed, allowing room for oral or penetration.

    The Eiffel Tower
    This classic threesome position is inspired by Paris' iconic Eiffel Tower. To get in this position, have two participants stand, allowing for ample face-to-face connection. Let the third participant acts as a bridge, providing oral and penetrative pleasure to those that are standing.

    London Bridge
    The London Bridge reimagines the classic doggie position, by placing a third partner underneath to stimulate erogenous zones like the nipples, inner thighs, and neckline.

    Double Penetration
    Double penetration is on many people’s threesome wish list. Fortunately, there are many positions that can facilitate this particular act. For M/M/F romps, we recommend the classic cowgirl position, that leaves the rear exposed for anal penetration.

    Double Oral
    Take your oral experience to new heights with this scandalous position. Let a primary receiver stand or sit, leaving their genitals exposed to be licked and sucked on by the other two participants.

    4 Ways to Derail Your Threesome Fantasy

    Threesomes can be the source of some of our most vivid fantasies, but as many of us know- threesomes can also be a breeding ground for jealousy and cringy sexual encounters. Here are five of the most common challenges people run in to when executing their first three-ways.

    1. Making It About You
      A threesome is designed to bring pleasure to all participants. We may feel inclined to focus extra attention on our partners to bolster their sense of security, but remember that a threesome is designed to be experienced by three people, not just one or two.

    2. Unequal Buy-In
      Threesomes should be mutually arousing to all participants. A threesome can only be successful if all parties feel comfortable and consent.

    3. Changing Up the Rules Mid-Way
      When we’re aroused, we release all sorts of pleasurable hormones that can make us feel invincible. You may feel suddenly inspired to throw caution to the wind (suddenly, I feel fine about my partner penetrating someone anally). Do your best to reflect on these urges post-threesome once you’ve had adequate time to process your desires.

    4. Creating Too Many Parameters
      It’s not uncommon for couples to set a number of rules to try and control the narrative of their threesome, like “we can touch you, but you may not touch us.” Putting too many restrictions around your playtime is going to eliminate opportunities to explore, and may make it difficult to satisfy all parties.

    The Perfect Threesome: Sex Toys, BDSM Gear, and Potions

    Looking to maximize your threesome? Sex toys, BDSM gear, and potions are popular ways to enhance your threesome experience. Take a look at some of our favorite items for turning up the heat on multi-partnered encounters.

    This is one sex toy that is willing to compromise! The Anywhere Vibrator is a flexible sex toy that encourages creative sexual encounters. Two, vibrating heads are connected by a poseable wire core. Bend, twist, and fold the Anywhere Vibrator to inspire an endless number of erotic shapes. 


    The Anywhere Vibrator is a chameleon, ready to embody your favorite fantasies. The vibrator, and it's optional remote control, are completely waterproof. With it, you can control the Anywhere Vibrator from up to thirty feet away. Partners will love all the different ways they can use this sex toy together!

    The Be One V2 by Fun Factory makes every touch count! This ergonomic toy is designed to fit snuggly between the fingers to stimulate your most inaccessible erogenous zones. The Be One V2 is equipped with two, powerful motors, and 4 rumbly settings.

    The Be One is small enough to hit each nerve ending with pinpoint accuracy. Use it to add a vibrating element to every touch, graze, and stroke!

    Transform your bedroom into a private dungeon with Sportsheets Special Edition Bed Restraints! This portable restraint system features six points of restriction, designed to fit on the underside of your mattress. Simply tuck the straps away when you've finished playing. 

    This Special Edition Bed Restraint comes with reinforced, gold chrome hardware, six double sided lobster clasps, and a soft blindfold. Ideal for forced orgasm scenes, edging, and full body massage, the Under the Bed Restraint System will bring drama and excitement to any encounter.
    The Liberator Flip-Ramp is a supportive positioning pillow that is made to accommodate interesting sex positions! This popular positioning product can transform into two, unique shapes, designed to support complex sex positions and improve comfort during play.
    Wrapped in a luxurious, machine washable, microfiber cloth, the Liberator Flip Ramp is 100% fluid resistant and ready to support your wet and wild fantasies. Offer your unicorn the best seat in the house with Liberators award-winning sex furniture products!
    Our Strap On Love Bundle is the gift anyone can wear and share. Pleasure makes the rounds when you both enjoy the possibilities of harness-free fun, thanks to the Strap-On-Me Medium Vibrating Strap-on.
    This fun couples bundle includes our best-selling Lovers Water-Based Lubricant, and a beautiful, limited edition Lovers Artists Series card, perfect for crafting an unforgettable threesome experience.

    Want more great sex tips?
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    Further Readings:

    A Guide to Having a Threesome During the Pandemic: VICE
    How to Be a Third in a Threesome - A Unicorn Guide: Medium
    11 Things to Know Before Getting into Swinging: Thrillist

    WITH PLEASURE,

    LOVERS