Dana (@danathehardway) is the lead copywriter for Lovers. She is passionate about writing, allyship, sex-positivity, and telling good jokes.

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Flicking the Bean
Paddling the Pink Canoe
Finger Painting
Ménage a Moi
Dialing the Rotary Phone
Jilling Off (Get it? Like Jacking off?)
Buttering Your Muffin
The Downstairs DJ
Womansplaining Yourself
Checking the Undercarriage
Fanning the Fur

There’s countless jokes out there about the fact that too many people don’t actually know how to find the clitoris. There’s been an increase in the understanding that attention to the clit is a key factor in pleasure for folks with vulvas, but not nearly as much actual education on what that entails. Most people with vulvas need some sort of clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm (a survey in 2015 found that only 18% of people with vulvas could orgasm from penetration alone). While the clitoris is a super-charged erogenous zone, even considered the #1 source of orgasms for people with vulvas, it’s not an elevator button that once pressed will instantly take someone where they want to go (top floor- mind-blowing orgasm penthouse please). In an attempt to remedy this lack of knowledge, we pulled together some foundational knowledge on the care and keeping of the clit. 


1. The Anatomy of the Clit
2. 5 Tips for Incredible Clitoral Stimulation
3. How to Stimulate the Clitoris

The Anatomy of the Clit

As many an internet joke will prove, it’s a common trope that many folks (mostly men, let’s just say it) aren’t sure where the clitoris is, let alone how to make the most of its abilities. So let’s start with a true Sex Ed 101 moment - Anatomy. The clitoris is actually a bigger organ than you think. Most of the clitoris is internal, with just the head presenting externally. The whole clitoral organ looks a bit like an inverted wishbone- the head of the clitoris being the center with two “legs”, one running down either side of the body along the pubic bone and a bulb of erectile tissue sitting just beneath each leg.

You’re thinking, “I’m sorry, did you just say ‘erectile tissue?’” You’d be correct! Similar to a penis, the head and bulbs of the clitoris are made of erectile tissue which contains thousands of nerve endings and blood vessels all collected together in a very small area. When blood rushes to these areas as you become aroused, the tissues become engorged and sensations become amplified. The labia of your vulva also engorges with blood when you become aroused and can swell to up to 3x its normal size. It’s the vulva/clitoris version of an erection! 

Did you just say ‘erectile tissue?

The head of the clitoris (the part you can see and touch directly) is located inside the labia majora (the outer lips of the vulva), at the top of where the labia minora (the inner lips of the vulva) come together, and above both the vaginal opening and urethral opening (where pee comes out). The clitoris is covered by a small fold of skin called the clitoral hood which can be gently pulled back to access the clitoris more directly. This allows for more intense sensations. (See the diagram below for clarification on location.)

While the basic makeup of the vulva is the same for everyone, the size and shape of all the lovely parts of it are unique to each person. All vulvas and clitorises are different and every person’s unique anatomy is normal - say it with me now - AND beautiful, and has no bearing on individual levels of sensitivity or ability to orgasm.

5 Tips for Mind-Blowing Clitoral Play

  • Lube makes everything better.
    Everything. It’s not just for penetrative sex, and it’s better (by a long shot) than spit, so we strongly encourage having your favorite lube on hand anytime you’re going to paddle the pink canoe. Need help finding the right lube for you? Check out our 
    Lube Guide!
  • The level of stimulation needed/desired differs for everyone.
    Some folks need continuous, firm stimulation, while others want only the lightest intermittent touch. Don’t be afraid to explore what works for you and play with elements like speed (fast vs slow) and pressure (harder vs softer). Don’t be shy about communicating what you like with a partner.
  • Give it a chance.
    It can be easy to dismiss a technique if it doesn’t immediately yield results, but often allowing for a little more time can give nerve endings a chance to respond and for sensations to intensify. Don’t give up too quickly.
  • If something doesn’t feel good, stop.
    The golden rule of clitoral stimulation? If it feels good, it is good. Anything else you can toss out.
  • If pleasuring a partner, be sure to ask for directions!
    You don’t have to guess, let them guide you.

    How to Stimulate the Clitoris 

    It’s not just what you use to flick your bean, it’s how you flick it. There are dozens of techniques to experiment with when searching for what feels best for you. It’s also very possible to like or love several techniques and rotate them depending on how your body is feeling or the apparatus you’re using at the time. We’ve listed out a few of our favorite techniques but feel free to freestyle from this list, it’s definitely not all inclusive! We encourage you to be a downstairs DJ your way. 

    4 Types of Sex Toys to Use on a Clitoris

    Now that we’ve made it through class, we can go to the lab. Just as every person’s vulva looks different, the sort of clitoral stimulation that is enjoyable to each individual person varies greatly as well. There are many ways to provide stimulation to a clitoris and the surrounding areas, and we’ve listed out a few to help you start exploring what works for you and/or your partner:

    12 Ways to Touch the Clitoris

    • Start Somewhere Else
      Try licking or stroking the outer thighs and move slowly inward toward the clitoris before directly touching it.
    • Massage & Press
      Massage & press on the outer and inner labia to stimulate the nerve endings in the legs of the clitoris.
    • Cup Them
      Cup the whole hand over the vulva and rub, press, or vibrate the area to increase sensation and arousal.
    • Drop a Beat
      Use your hands to create a rhythmic drumming sensation over the clitoris.
    • Tickle & Graze
      Use a feather or a piece of fabric to gently tickle or graze the clitoris.
    • Bring Other Erogenous Zones to the Party
      Stimulate the G-Spot, A-Spot, anus, or nipples to amplify clitoral sensation. We call this a Blended Orgasm and they are said to be the most powerful type of orgasm since they include multiple erogenous zones.
    • Change Direction
      Explore licking or touching in clockwise and counter-clockwise directions.
    • Make Them Tingle
      Use your lips to create a seal around the clitoris during oral, humming to create a vibrating sensation.
    • Get Specific
      Pinpoint massage with the tip of your tongue under the clitoral hood.
    • Suck & Blow
      Sucking and blowing on the head of the clitoris can enhance sensation during oral sex.
    • Soft, Broad Licks
      This activity focusses on stimulating the area surrounding the vulva, by using a flattened, extended tongue to lick from top to bottom.
    • Kiss & Nibble
      Kiss and nibble the genitals to show your partner affection during play.

    Want more great sex tips?
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    Further Readings

    Here's Exactly How She Wants You To Touch It: Men's Health
    The Still-Misunderstood Shape of the Clitoris: The Atlantic
    The Clitoris- An Intimate History: Scientific American 



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