GIVE THEM THE FINGER: A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO FINGERING

Guest written by Rain Andersen (@wearenotfriends_) a veteran sworker with nine years in adult entertainment and five years working for Lovers.

Sometimes, the most “entry-level” sex practices are the ones that require the most nuance. Fingering- the act of using your fingers to stimulate the vagina, clitoris, or anus- is one of those elusive sex acts. Despite the fact that people have used their hands to stimulate their genitals since time immemorial, there is still some reluctance to participate in finger sex. In this article, we’ll discuss the anatomy of the genitals, how to stimulate them, and what you can do to make this activity safer and more enjoyable for everyone involved.

QUICK LINKS:

1. The Anatomy of the Vulva & Anus
2. Finger Bang Safety 101
3. How to Finger Your Partner’s Vagina or Butthole

The Anatomy of the Vulva & Anus

Fingering your partner can be an incredible form of foreplay, an accent to your favorite sex toys and positions, or the main event. Being able to confidently incorporate finger play into your sexual encounters can be heavily dependent on your confidence with navigating the body. In this section, we’ll review some of the genital's key locations, and how these parts of the body respond best to touch.

The Clitoris: The clitoris refers to the exposed tissue located at the top of the vulva, beneath the mons pubis. The clitoris is often shrouded by a thin layer of skin, called the clitoral hood, which can be peeled back to better stimulate it. You can stimulate this region by massaging the labia majora and labia minora, or by applying direct stimulation to the clitoral glans. Read about our favorite ways to touch the clitoris in our Beginner’s Guide to Masturbating with a Vulva.

The Labia Majora & Minora: The labia majora refers to the folds of skin and fatty tissue that extend from the mons pubis (the skin above the pubic bone). The majora refers to the outer layer of skin that grows hair, while the minora refers to the inner layer of skin and erectile tissue that surround the vaginal opening. The minora is lined with nerve endings that help us to distinguish touch at the smallest scale, trap and excrete moisture, and maintain a balanced pH that protects against viruses and bacteria.

The Urethral Opening: The urethra is a tube that drains urine from the bladder. The opening of this tube can be seen and stimulated externally.

The Vagina: The vagina is a triangular shaped, fibromuscular tube that connects the vulva to the cervix. It is the pathway which a penis or sex toy enters to stimulate erogenous zones like the G-spot. This area is supported by muscles in the pelvic floor that contract during orgasm.

The Perineum: The perineum is a fine layer of skin that separates the vestibule (the bottom of the vaginal opening) and the anus. This area is highly innervated, making it ultra-sensitive to touch.

The Anus: The anus is a band of muscular rings that help to control fecal continence. Because the anus plays an important role in our digestive cycle, it has the ability to distinguish between soft and hard stools or gasses. Consequently, many people enjoy stimulating the anus to activate these nerve endings.

Finger Bang Safety 101

Many people consider fingerbanging to be the sexual equivalent of a hand job. Unlike a hand job- with its simple upward and downward strokes, and the occasional twist motion- fingering requires a bit more dexterity. The word fingering was first used to describe the technique that musicians use to play their instruments. If hand jobs are like rubbing your belly and patting your head, then fingering is like playing a private symphony. The stakes are high, and few people are offering standing ovations. So, how do you give a fingering performance, worthy of an encore?

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Use a Lubricant
Lubricant is a necessary component to both internal and external finger stimulation. Many people choose to supplement their vulva’s natural lubrication with a store-bought lubricant to prevent breaks in the skin. It is not uncommon to experience bleeding after partaking in certain sexual activities involving penetration. With this being said, there are many measures that can be put into place to prevent bleeding from occurring. Some of these measures include spending more time on foreplay, supplementing with a store-bought lubricant, or performing oral sex prior to penetrative play.

Wash Your Hands
Washing your hands before fingering your partner is an important part of preventing the spread of bacteria. Though these details may seem insignificant in the moment, they can lead to additional discomfort following play. Some couples may choose to use medical gloves or finger cots to add an additional layer of protection to their play.

Trim Your Nails
Trimming your fingernails is considered a common courtesy before any sort of finger stimulation. However, more often than not, it isn’t the length of the nail that is a danger to your partner, but the callouses, jagged edges, and tags of skin that hang from your nail bed. So, before you attempt to declaw yourself, remember that a long finger nail is far less dangerous than a jagged one.

REMINDER: You finger with your fingertips, NOT your nails.

How to Finger Your Partners Vulva or Butthole

We’ve already shared ten of our favorite ways to stimulate the clitoris with you, and our favorite ways to stimulate the G-Spot. We love combining these techniques with some of the penetrative moves outlined below! We recommend reading this guide with your partner so you can identify which techniques you’d like to try together.

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5 Techniques for Fingering Your Partner

Count Down: Start by inserting a single, well lubed finger, into the vagina or anus. When your finger is inserted into your partners body, you’ll be able to better distinguish the contractions that are taking place. As the vagina or rectum relaxes against your finger, allow a second finger to slip inside, repeating the steps outlined above, until your partner feels satisfyingly full.

Twister: Insert one to two fingers into the vagina or rectum, with your fingertips facing the ground. As your fingers extend to the back of the body, turn your fingers so that they are now facing the G-spot (or prostate) and drag them back out. This should create a small twisting motion that glides over the erogenous zones as you stroke.

The Bird: Slide your middle finger into the vagina or anus, using the surrounding digits to stabilize the middle finger, by bending them at the knuckles and resting them against the body. Allow your middle finger to move freely inside your partner.

The Body Plug: Place your thumb against the anus, perineum, or vaginal entry to stimulate these nerve dense regions! This area can be lightly held, tapped, or massaged, in order to prepare for penetrative play.

The Come Hither: Curl your finger into the shape of a hook, facing your partners belly button. Then, drag your finger back towards your body in a come-hither motion. Want to learn more about this iconic technique? Check out our article on Stimulating the G-spot for more details!

Further Readings:

Public Fingering Stories & How to Finger Someone Openly: Refinery29
Here's When It Is, and Isn't Okay to Bleed After Being Fingered: Romper
7 Sex Positions That Incorporate Your Hands: Bustle

WITH PLEASURE,

LOVERS