Guest written by Gabrielle Kassel (@gabriellekassel) a health and wellness writer, SEO wiz, CrossFit athlete, content creator, and digital activist.
As a sex educator, picking a favorite sex toy feels like to a parent picking a favorite kid: A big faux pas. I’m breaking the rules to let you in on a little secret: Not only do I think harnesses are the most under-appreciated pleasure aid on the market, they’re also my personal number one.That’s why I put together this harness shopping guide. Here, I explain why I’m *heart-eyes* for harnesses, plus the best in six key categories, including: best for beginners, best for penis-owners, and more.
The Benefits Of Strap-On Harness
Why do I love strap-on harnesses so much? For starters, nothing makes me feel quite as sexy, playful, or gender-euphoric as wearing a well-fitting harness. Really, sometimes on days when I’m not feeling myself, I’ll shut my blinds and prance around my apartment in a harness!
Second, when worn with a dildo, harnesses allow my partner(s) and I—and other pleasure-seekers and their partner’s—to explore the strap-on acts that bring us the most pleasure. Including: D(ildo)-in-V intercourse, pegging, mutual masturbation, blowjobs, hand sex, and so much more.
The Best Harnesses For Strap-On Sex
Enjoying wearing a harness as much as I do is going to (ahem) cum down to whether or not you’re wearing the right harness for you. This list will help you choose wisely
The Best Harness for Beginners
The New Comers Strap-On Set, $49.00
As a general rule, strap-on sex will be better if you buy a dildo and harness separately than if you buy a strap-on set. Why? Because you’re able to size the harness to the wearer, and the dildo to the receiver, which ensures a better fit for both partners. That can be confusing and costly. And frankly, for first-time strap-on sex-havers, it’s overkill. I recommend all pleasure-seekers who are just beginning their strap-on journey start with a harness and dildo combo kit, like the SportSheets New Comers Strap-On, to learn what they like in a harness and dildo.
Perfect for couples exploring pegging (also known as anal penetration), the SportSheets New Comers Strap-On comes with a periwinkle dildo (cute!) that is just 0.8-inches thick and 5.5-inches long. For sense of scale: that’s about the length of a pen and the width of two fingers. Also notable, is that the included polyester harness can be adjusted to fit hips 28 to 60-inches around. Best part? You get both for just $49.00!
The Best Barely-There Harness
Bare As You Dare Strap-On, $24.00
L-O-V-E clitoral stimulation? Want to give your partner full access to your ass? Enjoy being naked? Try the Bare As You Dare Harness
As skimpy as a G-string, this thong-style harnesses allows you to penetrate your partner with a dildo without hiding away any of your good bits! That means your partner can directly stimulate your bum, bum-hole, clit, and vagina while you fill them. And because there isn’t any fabric between the base of the dildo and your skin, you’ll receive additional stimulation with every thrust— depending on where you position the dildo and your personal anatomy. That means additional pubic mound, clitoral, or labial love. Hello, sensation!
Don’t be misled: This may be a minimalist pick, but because the straps are so adjustable, it’s also shockingly sturdy. I recommend pairing it with a small or medium sized dildo like the Fun Factory Limba M Dildo.
The Best Underwear Style Harness
Spareparts Tomboi Harness, $129.00
Rather than looking like a trap of straps, underwear-style harnesses are harnesses that look like (you guessed it!) underwear. Typically less revealing than strap-style harnesses, underwear-style works well for people who find the sensation of dildo-on-skin over-stimulating, as well as those who prefer to have their genitals covered during strap-on play.
One of my favorite underwear-style harnesses to recommend is the Spareparts Tomboi Harness. In addition to being machine-washable, this brief-style harness features a stretchy nitrile ring that can fit dildos up to 2.25-inches thick. And it has 2 built-in pockets for bullet vibrators. Cheers to clitoral stimulation.
My recommendation: Size down. This harness runs a little big! I, for example, have a 25-inch waist and typically wear a size S in underwear-style harnesses. In order to feel like I’m in control of the dildo when I strap-on with this pick (instead of the dildo being in-control of me), I need to wear an XS.
The Best Harness for Bigger Bodies
Sportsheets Divine Diva Strap-On, $49.00
Most of the harnesses on this list can be adjusted to fit hips that are up to 60-inches around. For pleasure-seekers whose hips measure between 60 and 82-inches, there’s the SportSheets Divine Diva Plus Size Harness
An adjustable jock-style harness, the Divine Diva is made of nylon and padded in the back and front for added comfort and support. Hoorah!
One thing to keep in mind is that this harness does not come with a dildo. When picking one out, remember that it only fits dildos that are 1.5-inches and larger such as the Colours Pleasure Dildo 5-Inch, The New York Sex Toy Collective Shilo, or Party Marty Silicone 7.5-Inch Dildo
The Best Harness for Penises
Spareparts Deuce Harness, $169.00
You’d be forgiven for thinking that harnesses are made only for vulva-owners—but such is not the case! There are a few harnesses on the market that are designed to help penis-owners with double-penetration with their partner, or continue having penetrative sex when they don’t have a flesh-and-blood boner. And then there’s the SpareParts Deuce Harness, which let’s them to do both! *Throws confetti*
A jock-style harness, the Deuce features a soft-pouch front that can hold the wearers balls without pinching, or bouncing. #Winning. When double penetration (with a dildo and biological penis) is not on the table, this pouch is large enough to hold the wearer's balls
Eyeing the pouch, you’ll notice that unlike most harnesses that have one hole, this one has two. That’s because in addition to featuring a simple, stretchy O-ring that can fit dildos up to 2-inches thick (the top hole), there’s also a hole for the wearer’s penis, which is outfitted with a medium-strength cock ring for harder, longer erections.
The harness itself comes in two sizes: Size A and Size B. To figure out which size is best for you, scroll down on the Deuce product page and read the “How to Find Correct Fit” tips.
Best Harness for Penises on a Budget
Dual Desires Strap-On, $38.00
To be blunt: No harness for penis-owners is as good as the Deuce. Unfortunately, the Deuce is expensive… really expensive. It rings up at a steep $169.99, and that doesn’t include the $30.00-$160.00 you’ll need to spend on a dildo.
If you’re feeling faint looking at those numbers, I recommend getting the Sportsheets Dual Desires Harness instead. Much more affordable at $38.00, this harness is for penis owners with erectile dysfunction or an interest in double penetration.
For the most pleasurable experience for all Lovers involved, I recommend adding a squirt of water-based lube like the Lovers Water Based Lube to the inside and outside of your dildo right before play.
