If you’ve ever been inside a Lovers store, then you’ve seen our assortment of kink products. Difficult to miss and hard to forget, this corner is stocked from beginner to intermediate with some of the most compelling objects imaginable.

• Thuddy, leather floggers
• Ostrich feather ticklers
• Silky sashes

Each promise a different flavor of adventure. For those who are just beginning to explore BDSM, it can be difficult to know where to start! You may have identified a kink or a style of play that appeals to you, but don’t know how to integrate it into a more sensual experience. You are not the first person to feel this way; because BDSM can push our personal boundaries and limitations, we tend to approach this style of play with plenty of forethought. A scene is a useful tool to get started on your journey into BDSM, that can take your experience from Gerald’s Game to 50 Shades of Sexy.

Defining A Scene 

A scene represents a pre-negotiated BDSM activity involving one or more individuals. Scenes are designed to negotiate the types of experiences we want to have and the types of emotions we want to feel.

Start by asking yourself what you want to accomplish with the scene. What goals do you have?

If you are finding yourself hitting a wall, look a little deeper. Understanding that you have a schoolgirl fantasy can be incredibly useful information when designing your script; but understanding what you find desirable about a schoolgirl fantasy (e.g., the uniform, the power dynamic, the embodiment of our carefree self) will allow you to enhance your sessions and customize them to your preference. Given that scenes involve more than one individual, I encourage you to ask the same questions of your partner. Knowing the boundaries, preferences, and physical limitations of your companion will help you to execute scenes that are not only pleasurable but fulfilling. When we receive informed and enthusiastic consent, we position ourselves for success, ensuring that everyone is excited and comfortable with the content being explored.  

 

Selling Your Scene 

Kink provides us with the opportunity to embody different versions of ourselves, whether we are taking off or donning a mask. Scenes create a space for those personalities to flourish and coexist. One of the ways that we can create more meaningful experiences is to focus on the environment that the scene will take place in. Dimming the lights, creating a sexy playlist, and tidying up are examples of the ways that we can physically curate our spaces. Consider other ways to enhance your play by ensuring that your tools and props are within reach, your toys are charged, and your phones are silenced. These small details can sustain the flow of play and create an unforgettable experience. 

 

The Structure of Your Scene 

A story typically begins by introducing the characters and the setting. This provides a sense of where the narrative is headed. A similar approach can be used when writing out a BDSM scene by reviewing the rules and activities you’ll be exploring together. This can be done in many ways and will influence the feel and vibe of your session. Whether you are telling your partner what you’re planning to do to them as the evening progresses or having them list off the rules to demonstrate their devotion, this will help to center your session and signal participants that the scene is about to begin.

You or your partner may have a ritual or a method that you rely on to spark arousal. Cuddling, touching, or words of affirmation are tried and true methods of foreplay. These techniques can set the tone for your experience together and create an environment that invites trust and familiarity if an oral recap doesn’t strike your fancy. Make sure to allocate time for foreplay to ensure a smooth transition from the hours or days leading up to play time. Foreplay allows our brains to recalibrate and will allow us to remain focused and present for a new adventure. 

A good story will build anticipation, so while you may have started your session with light impact or soft caresses, you might escalate to harder spanks or a firm grip as your scene progresses. If your session was built around a new flogger or restraint that you’ve never tried, allow yourself the time to relish these moments so that they make a greater impression. Remember that a scene can always go off script, and often does. Whether you are making an adjustment for your partner or simply choosing to extend a moment in time, scenes should remain flexible and adaptable. These key moments will act as a plateau for your story that will lead you to climax- the literal and figurative resolution to your scene. This can be in the form of an orgasm, a safe word, or a validating comment from your partner. Whatever you prefer; the climax can help to signify that the play has concluded. 

Once your scene has reached this point, you and your partner could benefit from airing out some of the tension you’ve worked so hard to build up. Talk to your partner about what works best for them. Cuddling, talking, napping, and showering following an intense play session are popular methods of aftercare. In BDSM culture, aftercare and aftermath are used to address any new feelings that arise post-session. If talking is not on the menu, make sure to return to this topic later. In the days and weeks that follow, you’ll want to check in on any feelings that develop as you and your partner continue to process your escapade to ensure a more equitable exchange in future sessions.  

 

A Challenge for Lovers 

Stories and scenes are created to take us on a journey. That journey is intended to add more depth and authenticity to our relationships with others and is a large part of the appeal to BDSM play. Often, we find ourselves intrigued with these tools and play styles because they require a deeper level of trust and focus that can sometimes get lost in long standing rituals. Using scenes in the bedroom is one way to have more mindful sexual interactions. Whether you’re dipping your toes into kink or keeping it classic and vanilla, the tools inspired by this community can be used to create real, impactful experiences with your partner, while you have a little fun in the process. 

 

Further Reading 

The Anatomy of a BDSM Scene: Submissive Guide

Could BDSM Be the Antidote to Our Pandemic Fueled Loss of Control?: Mic

Pain & Power: BDSM as Spiritual Expression: Inquiries Journal

5 Essential Scene Strategies for Your Next Play Session: Dom Sub Living

 

With Pleasure,

LOVERS