Guest written by Rain Andersen (@wearenotfriends_) a veteran sworker with nine years in adult entertainment and five years working for Lovers.

Are Ruined Orgasms the Forced Orgasm of the Penis?


  1. What is a Ruined Orgasm?
  2. What do Ruined Orgasms Feel Like?
  3. What do Ruined Orgasms Look Like?
  4. Why do People Enjoy Ruined Orgasms?
  5. Edging, Ruined Orgasms, & Orgasm Denial
  6. How to Ruin & Chain Orgasms

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

Ruined orgasms occur when an individual has reached their sexual plateau, is on their way to reaching orgasm, but is disrupted in the process. Ruined orgasms can be prevented entirely, but are most often defined as an orgasm that has been detracted from through humiliation, distraction, or disengagement.

Sensuva ON Powerglide Penis Sensitizer ($22.50)

While many individuals report to have experienced unintentionally ruined orgasms, this article will focus on the deliberate act of ruining orgasms. This obscure kink has become a popular way of asserting dominance in BDSM scenes and can help to condition the body for longer lasting, more controlled climaxes.

As people become more experienced with ruined orgasms, they can condition their body to withstand higher levels of stimulation. This occurs most prominently during a what is referred to as the “hang time.” Hang time references the period of time between stopping stimulation and reaching orgasm. Longer hang times are said to lead to some of the most intense ruined orgasms.

What do Ruined Orgasms Feel Like?

Like many forms of BDSM, a ruined orgasm can trigger vastly different physical and emotional responses in its recipients. Physically, the genitals may ache or feel buzzy as the body adjusts to sudden disruptions in stimulation, and may stay engorged long after the perceived climax. Some refer to this as being suspended in pleasure.

What do Ruined Orgasms Look Like?

Ruined orgasms do not have the same explosive quality that Hollywood has imbued the male orgasm with. A ruined orgasm can vary in range and consistency but is generally described as a watery, leaky fluid that seems to seep or ooze out of the penis of its own volition.

Why do People Enjoy Ruined Orgasms?

There are many reasons why people enjoy ruined orgasms, but many of them can be traced back to BDSM’s roots in power imbalance, teasing, and denial. “It’s about having no control,” says one Reddit user, “that orgasm is inevitable.”

Those providing ruined orgasms can find pleasure in wielding this power as well. A ruined orgasm gives people the opportunity to deconstruct and dismantle their partners pleasure, creating new avenues for connection.

Edging, Ruined Orgasms, & Orgasm Denial

The Pen Cage ($99.00)

When we talk about ruined orgasms, we experience some interesting cross-over with BDSM topics like edging, orgasm denial, and forced orgasms. While these kinks are distinctly different, they can overlap and be used interchangeably to enhance and refine your BDSM scenes.

What is Edging?
Edging, surfing, or peaking is a sexual technique that involves the intentional delay of orgasm to bring attention to the moments leading up to climax. One way to improve the strength, intensity, and length of your orgasms is to walk the edge of your sexual response cycle.

What is Orgasm Denial?
Orgasm denial is the process of withholding or refraining from participating in sexual acts as a way of heightening sexual arousal and tension. Orgasm denial can be done during the heat of sexual play or leading up to it.

What are Consensual Forced Orgasms (Orgasm Torture)?
A consensual forced orgasm is triggered when an individual’s ability to resist stimulation has been limited, often with the aid of a restraint system or compromising sex position. It is an orgasm that has been pre-negotiated and consented to, in an effort to satisfy a physical or emotional craving.

How to Ruin & Chain Orgasms

  1. Look for Pleasure Signals
    The body provides several clues as your partner nears their pleasure plateau. You may notice that the testicles will retract closer to the body, the penis will begin to pulse, and the leg muscles may tense. Whimpers, grunts, moans, and other verbal cues are also excellent indicators of your partner’s pleasure.

  2. Stimulate the Frenulum
    The frenulum is an innervated fold of skin on the underside of the penis, just below the glans, that can be licked, sucked, or stroked with a lubricated hand or finger to inspire arousal. Focus your attention on this hyper sensitive area of the genitals.

  3. Let It Go
    Cease stimulation when your partner is on the brink of their orgasm, allowing their natural reflexes to take control. This will initiate your “hang time” period, ultimately triggering your ruined orgasm. You can recreate this effect using a sex toy, moving from higher to lower power settings, giving the impression of a dying or weakening motor.

  4. Tease & Humiliate Them
    The “hang time” is the optimal moment to tease and taught your lover. You might consider grazing your fingers across nearby erogenous zones, light slapping, dirty talk, or ball busting, which are all popular ways to enhance a ruined orgasm.

  5. Apply Post-Orgasm Stimulation
    Apply gentle, post-genital stimulation in the 1-5 minutes that follows your partners ruined orgasm to encourage a chained orgasm. Chained orgasms are most effective after a ruined orgasm, as they do not automatically trigger the same refractory responses that a typical penis orgasm would yield.
Want more great sex tips?
Follow us on InstagramTwitterFacebookTikTok, and YouTube: @LoversStores

Further Readings:

What is a Ruined Orgasm?: O School
Why Men Love Ruined Orgasms: Bad Girls Bible
Ruined Orgasms are the Hot New Way to Tease Your Partner: Yahoo Lifestyle



Be the first to comment

All comments are moderated before being published