Guest written by Rain Andersen (@wearenotfriends_) a veteran sworker with eight years in adult entertainment and three years working for Lovers.
One thing that I love about New Year’s Day is its ability to capture our imaginations. Our calendar year comes equipped with a hard reset button that allows our brains to refresh and level set for the new year. We may not have had the opportunity to mentally prepare for the challenges of 2020 but with 365 days under my belt, I’m feeling more optimistic for the new year. Resolutions are designed to better ourselves, so I propose that we use this concept to address our connection to pleasure. Below are six sexual resolutions and the tips you need to make them a reality!
What are your pleasure intentions for 2021?
ANAL SEX & PEGGING
Peach emojis, Kardashians, and face masks for your butt. Each of these cultural icons have contributed to the public fixation around anal sex. There are 28 different rectal nerves that are there to help our bodies identify the difference between soft and hard. Turns out that our butt’s natural ability to interpret texture, density, and pressure is the reason why so many people enjoy a little backdoor stimulation! If this hasn’t piqued your interest, then consider this: AMAB (assigned male at birth) individuals are also equipped with a prostate gland. Check out our blog on Prostate Pleasure 101. The prostate is a walnut sized gland that engorges during arousal. When stimulated, the prostate can cause powerful, explosive orgasms. The prostate is a mascot for pleasure potential, so if you’re looking to plant your flag in the sand in 2021, look no further than the mysterious anal canal.
Wetter is Better! The anus is not a self-lubricating orifice. If you are looking to try anal play in 2021 then you’ll want to invest in a quality lubricant. Water-based lubricants are a great option if you are experimenting with silicone plugs or beads. This will help to preserve the quality of your toys while preventing any damage to the sensitive tissues of the anal canal. A thicker water-based lubricant will provide a cushion between the toy and your skin, but may need to be reapplied throughout play. If you plan to use glass toys, fingers, or other body parts to penetrate this region, a silicone lube will provide a nice, consistent glide that can take your anal experience to new heights.
Give it the finger! If you're interested in trying anal sex with a partner it can be helpful to understand what sensations they might be experiencing. Start with gentle finger stimulation on your own anus. By experimenting on your own body, you can get a better understanding of the pressure, speed, and force that your partner might enjoy.
It's a vibe. The anus’ primary function is to process waste. This, coupled with the social stigmas that surround anal play, can make it difficult to view this part of our bodies as a source of pleasure. Find out what routines help you and your partner relax before and during anal sex. This might be a warm shower, a sensual massage, or a sexy playlist. If you’ve used vibrators in the past, then bringing a toy into the bedroom is never a bad idea. Using toys like strokers and bullets during anal sex can help spread-out stimulation to areas that you already associate with pleasure.
A global pandemic has changed the ways that we connect with people. With the rise in sex tech and the growing number of WFH businesses, we’re seeing an increasing popularity in virtual sex. Is there a more perfect opportunity to explore digital foreplay then a mandated stay-at-home order? All you need is a Wi-Fi connection to cross this resolution off your bucket list!
Pick your platform. There are so many options for hosting a virtual sex session, whether you’re streaming it to a chatroom of thousands or keeping it one-on-one. Nothing can stop your digital debut like a bad platform, so let’s talk about options. Some platforms are outfitted with integrated content such as filters, chat rooms, and stickers. This gives you the option to customize and document your virtual sexcapade. If you’re concerned about your digital strip tease making it onto the world-wide-web and into the wrong hands, then look for an encrypted platform like Signal or WhatsApp. End-to-end encryption is a way that secure messaging services protect your content and prevent it from being stored on other servers.
Give the gift of WOW! App-controlled sex toys have changed the landscape of virtual sex by allowing users to control their toys from a distance. We-Vibe is a leading producer of app-based sex toys, with 13 different Bluetooth products designed for vulvas, penises, and anuses. In addition to its free, end-to-end encrypted app, We-Vibe allows users to change vibrations using touch or sound over your choice of video, messenger, or phone call. If the app isn’t enough to keep you busy, then look no further than the We-Vibe Chorus. This product comes with a built-in wire that allows you to customize the shape of the toy, giving you endless shapes to experiment with in your virtual session!
Pressure Release! Webcamming sites can be incredibly competitive. Many of the sex workers that use these platforms will try a variety of techniques to help keep their audience entertained. If you’re feeling nervous about your screen time debut, try to take inspiration from the sex workers that championed this style of foreplay. Play a sexy game like truth or dare. Watch a porn together… naked. Virtual sex is different from the type of sex that we have with our partners, so don’t put pressure on yourself to make it look or feel the same. It never will! Let virtual sex live in its own category- we are not trying to create the same experiences; we’re trying to create new ones.
Maybe your resolution isn’t about sharing experiences with others. Kegel exercises are one way to improve the health and strength of vulvas, while increasing the intensity of orgasms. Instead of opening up that new gym membership, try out a set of weighted Ben Wa balls because in 2021 we are flexing our pleasure muscle!
Find your glass slipper! If you’ve ever watched 50 Shades of Grey, then you’ve seen a set of Kegel weights. Christian Grey asks Ana to wear a set of these to a charity ball to provide vaginal stimulation. Think of these balls as tiny bells for your vagina- your bodies desire to hold on to these weights will help to strengthen your pelvic floor. The pelvic floor is responsible for producing natural lubrication and micro-contractions that occur during climax. If you’re interested in strengthening this muscle, you’ll want to start with a larger sized set. The larger the set is, the lighter the weight will be. Smaller balls, or balls made from metal or stone can be more challenging to hold onto if you are unaccustomed to working this muscle. Most vaginal weights will be sold in sets, so you can select the type of weight that suits your experience level.
Pull, don’t push. When exercising your pelvic floor, be mindful to contract inwards and upwards. Pushing downwards will not only send your Ben Wa balls flying across the kitchen floor, it will also strain your pelvic floor. If you are just beginning to explore Kegel’s, start by squeezing and holding your Ben Wa balls for ten seconds intervals, adding a five second pause between repetitions.
Masturbate! Using Kegel balls is like going to the gym- you spend 15 minutes a day focusing on strengthening a specific muscle group. Masturbation is like lifting a heavy box. You work out the same core muscles, but in a less impactful way. Masturbation can be a great way to supplement your Kegel exercises, because each time you climax you contract your pelvic floor. Not that you needed an excuse for a little self-gratification!
Squirting refers to an emission of liquid before, during, after, or without climax. This explosive and visual response occurs when stimulating the G-spot on individuals with vulvas. If this isn’t your first foray into water sports, then don’t stress! I’m going to break down the body’s response to G-Spot stimulation so you can reach your sexual goals in 2021.
Bring a bucket, and a mop! Cardi B was spot on when she mentioned these cleaning supplies. Squirting can be a messy affair, so if you’re planning on tapping this love zone make sure to lay out a towel. I love experimenting with different forms of climax, so I invested in a Liberator Fascinator Throw that will absorb all of my juicy confetti and keep my sheets dry. This is a must have tool for anyone who wants to make squirting a staple of their sex routine, and beats out sex sheets for its soft and velvety touch.
WAP, WAP, WAP! The Skene’s glands live on either side of the urethra. These glands are responsible for the production of an antimicrobial fluid that emits during female ejaculation. In order to trigger the Skene’s glands to store fluid, we want to be in a state of peak arousal. Many people discover how to squirt sans partner, because they are able to arouse their body in way that takes time, patience, and focus. That’s not to say you can’t make a splash with your partner! You’ll have better success with squirting by initiating long, drawn out foreplay that allows the ejaculatee to optimize their stimulation. The increase in natural lubrication to the vaginal canal can indicate that you are on the right track.
Finding Neverland. The G-Spot is located roughly 5-8 cm (2-3 in) inside the anterior vaginal wall. Insert two fingers into the vaginal opening. With your fingertips facing upwards, apply gentle but firm pressure to the roof of the vaginal wall. Some individuals will use a subtle come-hither motion that will lightly hook into the G-Spot. Other individuals will respond to rhythmic tapping or circular pressure. At low arousal, the G-Spot can be a small as a pea. With increased foreplay, this muscle should engorge to the size of a walnut, with a spongy, textured surface. Because all bodies are different, it can still be difficult to identify the G-Spot at this size. Try using a serum like Intimate Earth’s Discover. This product is designed to open up the blood capillaries along this area to increase size and sensation. Because the G-Spot is said to be linked to the clitoral nerves, try introducing a toy to double down on the amount of stimulation to this zone. The Womanizer Premium was the secret ingredient to unlocking my Skene's Gland... which toys have tipped you over the edge?
I hope these tips and tricks have inspired you to try new ways to incorporate pleasure into your New Year's Resolutions. May your 2021 be all you wish for and more.