Dana (@danathehardway) is the lead copywriter for Lovers. She is passionate about writing, allyship, sex-positivity, and telling good jokes.

There are two types of people. People who get pregnant without trying and people who have to try to get pregnant. These groups encompass a whole universe of variable ways folks find themselves growing a human.

What would feel better? A year of stressing or a year of great sex?

You can be actively trying not to get pregnant and still end up knocked up. You’re in the first group. Anyone who’s ever had or will have an “oopsy” or “accident” baby also goes in the first group. Anyone who threw their birth control in the trash, went on vacation, and came home pregnant? Well, to quote Woody from Toy Story, “That’s not [trying]! That’s falling [pregnant] with style.” To be clear, there’s no wrong way to get pregnant and if getting pregnant required minimal effort on your part, then all the congrats and love to you! 

For anyone in that second group- let’s talk about sex, bay bee. Let’s talk about you and me and how funky it can be to bring this kind of intentionality and purpose to the bedroom. When sex becomes something you HAVE to do, even if it’s still something you want to do, it can quickly start to feel like one more chore to tick off the to-do list.

What’s less sexy than obligatory tasks? Nothing. 

The pressure is real in other ways as well. The looming possibility of bringing a tiny human into the world, how that will change everything, including your intimate relationship, can be a lot to have floating over you while you try to make each other moan. The proverbial ‘they’ say that stress is the enemy of conception and it seems completely in line to say it’s also an enemy of sexual pleasure, and as illustrated here, there is no lack of stress in conception sex.

System of JO's Actively Trying Fertility-Friendly Lubricant, ($19.50)

It’s easy to see how all of these feelings, thoughts, and calculations could cause anyone to be in their head rather than in the moment or cause your libido to take a nosedive. Putting this much thought and effort into trying to make a good time into a purposeful act would throw anyone off their pleasure game. Especially if you’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while. The pressure can really add up.

While everyone’s journey through baby-making is different, no one would argue that enjoying the process makes for a better experience and happier parents-to-be, so we compiled a list of ways couples can try to keep things fun, sexy, and connected, even when you’ve got a goal to reach (that isn’t just orgasms).

How to Keep Pregnancy Sex, Sexy

  • Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay
    Resist the urge to “just get it over with” or check sex off your to-do list. Give yourself and your partner the chance to become aroused, to remind yourselves that being together feels amazing. You’ll never regret taking time for pleasure. There are lots of ways to vary your foreplay as well. What strikes your fancy?
    Restraints, stimulants, and sensation play are all great options to explore. 
  • Use the Right Lube.
    Lube makes everything better but regular lubes can interfere with sperm’s ability to travel through the vaginal canal. It’s important to only use fertility-friendly lube like
    Jo Actively Trying when trying to conceive.
  • Don't Forget to Date & Flirt.
    Don’t skimp on date nights! You’ll have plenty of excuses for that after the baby. Treat your partner to a night out, send some sexy texts, or whatever feels flirtatious and exciting to you both. May we recommend the
    We-Vibe Date Night Kit if you’re not sure where to start? 
  • Try to Relax.
    Is this hard to do? Yes. Is it actually a really good idea? Also yes. The truth is getting pregnant can take some couples a while to achieve.
    84 out of every 100 couples will get pregnant within a year- those are good odds! So what would feel better? A year of stressing or a year of great sex? 
  • Try New Things!
    There’s no proof that any one position is better for conception than another so feel free to get freaky. We have
    games and books with tons of helpful inspo for ways to change up how you (ahem) come together. 
  • Focus on the Journey.
    The joy may be in the two pink lines on that stick at the end of it all, but the journey to it can be beautiful as well. As with sex in general, the goal should be to enjoy the process rather than focusing solely on the end goal, whether that be an orgasm or a baby.

Want more great sex tips?
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Further Readings:

20 Pregnancy Sex Positions: Women's Health Magazine
A Guide to Sex During Pregnancy: Healthline
7 Ways to Get in the Mood for Pregnancy's Sex: Parents