Guest written by Rain Andersen (@wearenotfriends_) a veteran sworker with nine years in adult entertainment and five years working for Lovers.

The Size of Your Audience Doesn't Matter. What's Important is That Your Audience is Listening.
- Randy Paush


  1. What is Mutual Masturbation?
  2. What is the Point of Masturbating with a Partner?
  3. 8 Reasons to Try Mutual Masturbation
  4. How to Masturbate with a Partner

What is Mutual Masturbation?

Mutual masturbation refers to a sexual activity involving two or more individuals. During this activity, people sexually stimulate themselves while observing and conveying information to one another.

Mutual masturbation can enhance observational awareness, helping people to be more attentive and responsive partners. Many people who participate in mutual masturbation report that the activity can heighten partnered bonds, enhance intimacy, and increase mental retention.

What is the Point of Masturbating with a Partner?

There are many reasons why someone might be interested in experimenting with mutual masturbation. Perhaps most compelling: it offers a way to have contact-free sexual encounters while navigating a rapidly evolving COVID virus.

Mutual masturbation is a sexy and visually stimulating way to learn about your partners sexual preferences that can offer a variety of peripheral benefits.

8 Reasons to Try Mutual Masturbation

  1. Learn How to Sexually Please Your Partners
    We often compare the act of masturbating to the act of having sex, as if one activity is superior to the other. You may prefer one act over the other, but both activities require access to the same pleasure data. Think of mutual masturbation as a way of decoding that information; activating different senses (like sight and sound) to enhance your overall clarity and recall.

  2. Make Sex More Visually Stimulating
    Many people enjoy mutual masturbation because it creates an opportunity to see our loved ones on full display.

  3. Have a “Guaranteed Orgasm”
    No one will ever know how to navigate your operating system quite like you. Mutual masturbation puts you in the control seat, so odds of an orgasm are in your favor.

  4. An Alternative to Penetration-Focused Pleasure
    Many people believe that penetration necessitates pleasure, but this belief would invalidate the types of sexual interactions that many lesbian and trans individuals participate in. Modern approaches to intimacy show the value of outercourse and non-penetrative sex as a way of preventing pregnancy and STI’s, reducing penetrative pain, and heightening arousal.
  1. Zero Risks of Pregnancy or STI’s
    Mutual masturbation eliminates the risks of pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted infections, as a result of social distancing.

  2. A Pleasurable Way to Compromise Desires
    Mutual masturbation can be an excellent compromise for partners with mismatched libidos, looking to facilitate pleasure without negotiating personal boundaries.

  3. Pain-Free Orgasms for People with Penetrative Pain
    People who experience penetrative pain can use mutual masturbation as a method of achieving painless orgasms with a partner. Mutual masturbation can also help partners to visualize the depth and angles of penetration that feel most pleasurable.

  4. Add Excitement to Routine
    Mutual masturbation is an exhilarating experience that allows you to see your partner through a new lens. Many couples use mutual masturbation to enhance their typical sexual routines.

How to Masturbate with a Partner

There are many ways to masturbate with a partner. In this article, we’ll discuss some of the most popular mutual masturbation techniques, and how they help to enhance sexual communication.

  1. Get Comfortable
    When we have sex with a partner, we may feel the desire to perform for them. This is a perfectly reasonable response, prompted by our desire to please our partners. For mutual masturbation to be a successful communication tool, the information we share needs to be authentic. This information is conveyed through our words, gestures, and overall body language.

    If you are masturbating for your partner, choose a position that you’ll be comfortable in for an extended period of time, that offers a clear view to your significant other.

  2. Make Eye Contact
    A 2019 study on the role of eye-contact in the development of romantic attraction revealed some interesting details about the way that eye contact influences sexual communication.

    “The results revealed no direct effect of eye-contact on romantic attraction. However, people share more personal, intimate information about themselves to their interaction partner. Conclusively, eye-contact in initial interactions induces less uncertainty and more intimacy, compared to interactions without eye-contact.” - Croes et al., 2020

  3. Communicate Visually
    Research suggests that over 65% of the general population identifies as a visual learner, meaning that they need to see information before they can understand it. This is why many couples elect to use visual demonstrations during mutual masturbation.

  4. Communicate Verbally
    The Combination Learning Model is a teaching strategy based on the idea that students absorb more information when it is presented in a variety of learning styles. In mutual masturbation, visual demonstrations are often paired with auditory information to help improve memory recall and enhance arousal.

  5. Reproduce Touch
    Because the primary goal of mutual masturbation is educational, many couples opt to incorporate a hands-on element to this exercise! After demonstrating the styles of touch that you prefer, allow your partner to recreate these styles of touch on you.

  6. Enhance with Toys & Pornography
    Sex toys and pornography can be erotic ways to enhance and accessorize your mutual masturbation experience. While there are certain arguments to be had for providing manual examples of stimulation to a partner, anyone who regularly uses sex toys can benefit from mutually masturbating with a vibrator. Pornography can also help us to articulate certain styles of touch or stimulation that we struggle to act out independently.

    Looking for a great sex toy or BDSM accessory to masturbate with? We recommend the Thrust and Go Portable Thrusting Dildo and the Labia Spreader for adding excitement, or the Liberator Flip Ramp and the Sportsheets Door Jam for adding comfort!

Want more great sex tips?
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Further Readings:

A Circular History of Circle Jerks: Mel Magazine
The Power of Eye Contact During Sex: Marriage 
Why Straight Men Are Joining Masturbation 'Clubs:' GQ