Guest written by Missy Modell, a musical parody artist and activist focused on the intersection of social justice and pop culture. Missy is the founder of YES MAM Creative, a consultancy for mission-based brands. You can find Missy on Instagram at @missymodell.
Dating is Tough.
We get it: dating is tough, especially as we move through yet another phase of the pandemic. With emotions flowing and feelings of loneliness bubbling up, it can be challenging to maintain a positive mindset while single. However, it’s helpful to note that your thoughts are not your reality! In doing reframes around your situation and working on a positive mindset, any challenge or awkward date that comes your way can be easier to approach.
“Your mindset is a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of the world and yourself. It influences how you think, feel, and behave in any given situation.” - VeryWellMind, "What is a Mindset?"
The laws of attraction are real. What you put out is what you receive. When you think positive thoughts, you are more likely to build a positive outlook. While dating can be frustrating and sad, it’s okay to feel those emotions out! In fact, take all the time you need. Build up your intuition around where you feel happy and inspired; negative thoughts will undoubtedly pop up, but labeling them versus encompassing them, can be very helpful. Instead of staying attached to the negative thoughts, focus on your current moment and who you are beyond what has happened to you. We’re not always going to show up as the best version of ourselves, all we can do is to be as authentically ourselves as we can.
While it can be easy to get caught up in the idea of cuffing season, engagements, and babies around you, the bottom line is that your life is about you! It’s your journey, not theirs. Everyone has their own unique path and you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Be Open Minded
Don’t just stick to a list. Opening yourself up to new and different kinds of people can help you better understand your own interests and desires outside of the parameters you’ve created. While it can feel natural to keep a guard up, experiencing different things allows you to find out what you like and don’t like.
Date When You Feel Whole
When your motive in dating is simply to fill a void in yourself, it will attract people that continue to reinforce that void. Make sure you are ready and comfortable enough in your own skin before you venture outwards. Again, we are all works in progress but it’s helpful to know our intentions before we start exploring.
Don't Stop Dating Yourself
Even while getting to know other people, don’t forget to romance the most important relationship: you! Take yourself on dates, indulge in self-care, and do the things that make you feel inspired!
Shift the Focus on Yourself
After a date, it’s so easy to go into the headspace of “do they like me?” or “did they find me interesting/hot/fun?” But, instead of worrying if someone likes you, remember how important it is that you actually like them. Focusing on yourself rather than trying to satisfy the other person can help you feel more empowered and less anxious. And when you’re comfortable inside yourself, it shows on the outside too.
In all, yes, dating is a wild world, but remembering to stay true to yourself and continuing to recognize how lucky they would be to have you will set you on a much happier path. Continue dating yourself, remain open minded, don’t compare yourself to others, and get in touch with what YOU want. This empowered mindset will attract the partner that deserves you. Bon voyage!
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