Guest written by Missy Modell, a musical parody artist and activist focused on the intersection of social justice and pop culture. Missy is the founder of YES MAM Creative, a consultancy for mission-based brands. You can find Missy on Instagram at @missymodell.
There is no ceiling to our collective fantasies and desires.
We’ve all got our things. Some enjoy roleplay, others enjoy missionary sex, while some desire to be peed on (or a combination of all the above).Tomato, tomato! With the world as our oyster, it’s important to know that there is no ceiling to our collective fantasies and desires.
A quick thing to point out: all fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes! Kinks are a more general term for sexual interests or fantasies that may go outside the “box” of missionary sex, while fetishes are objects or acts that are needed in order to experience sexual pleasure.
There are many biological and psychological reasons for having certain fetishes or kinks; it may have been a sexual experience during/around puberty or can simply be a personality trait.
“According to a 2014 survey published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, which looked at the personality traits of 270 people who practice BDSM, those who prefer the dominance role to the submissive role identified themselves as having different traits. Dominants scored significantly higher than submissives on desire for control, extraversion, self-esteem, and life satisfaction. Submissives scored significantly higher than dominants on emotionality.” - Healthline
Just because you haven’t heard of certain kinks or fetishes, doesn’t make them any less common or desired, we simply may not be talking about them enough. See below for five common kinks, you may not know about:
Cuckolding: an act in which a person is turned on while watching or listening to their partner have sex with someone else. Its roots are in BDSM and it is a form of powerplay. It’s actually more common than you may think! According to Healthline: “based on internet research, oodles of people Google the word “cuckolding” on the daily. Porn sites have also reported that “cuckold porn” is one of the most searched categories.” People enjoy it for a variety of factors, most notably: the stimulation attached to being cheated on, the erotic feelings attached to humiliation, and pure biology (i.e. watching your partner with someone else may trigger a sexual, biological response).
How to Articulate to a Cuckolding Scene:
- Cuckoldress: The person having the sex (can and can not be female-identifying)
- Bull: The third party (can and can not be male-identifying)
Exhibitionism: when a person feels sexually aroused at the idea or act of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others. Specifically, feeding off of the attention of someone admiring you as you change, pleasure yourself, or getting down with someone else, can be a turn on. We may feel liberated and sexy when walking around naked with our windows open, but for some the thought can seem violating! This is specifically referring to the consensual act of desiring each other from afar. Another perspective of this is “the desire to reveal one’s physical attributes in a sexually alluring or suggestive manner,” says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly. If you’ve ever felt excited by the idea of having sex in public, it’s also another light side of exhibitionism. What distinguishes this from voyeurism is that the latter feels aroused by doing the watching!
How to Explore Exhibitionism:
- Sharing consensual nude photos with a partner(s)
- Having sex in places where you might be caught or where watching is encouraged
- Inviting someone to watch you engage in a sexual act
Love Thrust Sex Machine ($139)
Olfactophilia: the arousal from smells and odors of the body, specifically from sexual areas. There is a pretty substantial subset of the internet focused on used underwear; specifically, people sell their used panties through certain websites, or panty seller groups. (Prices increase with the amount of days they wear the garments!) Why the phenomenon? One of the many reasons may be pheromones. These chemicals fuel biological attractions and thus, sexual desire! They are in our skin, sweat, and naturally trickle down to our underwear! Additionally, the attraction to something “taboo” such as dirty underwear, can be extremely arousing to people.
Three Pheromone Sprays to Try:
Pure Instinct Pheromone Cologne ($22.50)
Pregnancy: you guessed it, being turned on by pregnant humans. Many popular porn websites actually have sections devoted to this. As with any fetish, it can be a variety of reasons why.
Four Reasons People Love Pregnancy Sex:
- The pregnancy “glow”
- The appearance of lactating breasts (heavy and filled with milk)
- The roundness of a pregnant belly
- The taboo surrounding an “off limits” pregnant person (despite the fact they are still sexual beings)
Urophilia: you may know it as the “golden shower” or even “watersports.” This fetish is where people are aroused by urination; it includes feeling, tasting, smelling urine, or urinating on someone and/or being urinated on by someone else. The options are endless! There are many reasons why people enjoy this.
Four Reasons People Love Golden Showers:
- Pleasure is derived from the warmth and smell
- Can be regarded as a symbol of intimacy and trust
- Experiences arousal from someone else having a full bladder
- It is a homage to BDSM, as urinating on someone creates a submissive/dominant dynamic (i.e. having someone else’s pee on you may cause humiliation)
In conclusion, though not often widely spoken about, kinks and fetishes are normal and should be embraced! The most important part here is to ensure consent and have open communication. If you’re looking to explore more about kink, check out our Pleasure U blog for our Kink 101 Guide.