WHAT TO DO IF YOU FART DURING SEX & OTHER EMBARRASSING NOISES

Let’s talk about the noises no one ever writes about in romance novels…and what to do if you make one during your own love scene.

Dana (@danathehardway) is the lead copywriter for Lovers. She is passionate about writing, allyship, sex-positivity, and telling good jokes.

When asked “What sounds would someone hear or make during sex?” you’d probably respond with moaning, gasping, screaming, sighing, and maybe even panting or grunting- but what about the sounds they don’t put in the lovemaking scenes in movies?

QUICK LINKS:

The Most Embarrassing Sounds to Happen During Sex
How to Avoid Unpleasant Sounds During Sex

The Most Embarrassing Sounds to Happen During Sex

No one ever writes about these noises in romance novels, but if we’re all admitting to being human and being honest here, they occasionally happen during sex in real life. Odds are, you’ve been in the throes of passion with someone (or just with your vibrator even) and experienced something on that list. It’s ok! It might be mortifying in the moment, but it’s nothing to dwell on because we’re all humans and sometimes we can’t help it. Like that children’s book “Everybody Poops,” everybody also farts, queefs (if they have a vulva), and squelches.

If you haven’t heard of some of these, we’ve added definitions so you can get familiar. Maybe you’ve experienced one or more of these without knowing the name for it!

Queefing: An audible release of air from the vagina**
Farting: An emission of gas from the anus
Squelching: A soft sucking sound made when pressure is applied to a liquid or a soft surface
Joint Pops: The noise created by the surface of joints rubbing together (think ankles, knees, wrists, etc.)
Yawning: A reflexive act of opening the mouth wide and inhaling deeply (sometimes due to fatigue or boredom, yawning has also been linked to arousal!)
Slurping: A loud sucking noise (usually made while eating or drinking)
Burping: A noise made by the release of air from the stomach through the mouth
Stomach Churning: Growling, rumbling or gurgling coming from the lower abdomen
Squealing: A long, high-pitched noise or cry

**No, queefing is not farting from your vagina.

How to Avoid Unpleasant Sounds During Sex

Just thinking about this might have your stomach churning with embarrassment and you might be wondering what you can do to avoid these not-so-arousing noises. We don’t think you need to do anything! Again, it happens and it’s ok to laugh, say ‘excuse me,’ and even take a break to let the room air out (yes, we went there) before getting back to the sexy fun. A quality partner won’t hold your bodily functions against you! Your vibrator can’t hear or smell so it doesn’t care at all: keep going! However, if you’re concerned about one or more of these things coming up for you and you’re willing to add extra steps to your pre-sex routine, here are our recommendations:

Don’t eat things that upset your stomach for a few hours before you think you might get freaky with someone
Take Beano or another OTC med that helps with quelling indigestion
Stretch! This can quell joint pops and tummy troubles
Go to the bathroom
Relax your pelvic floor. Try doing a Kegel when you inhale and then relax completely when you exhale. You can do this anytime before or during sex.
Open a window
Light a candle
Turn on music or a white noise machine
Hypnotize your partner so they won’t notice (just kidding!)