In French, an orgasm is called “la petite mort” or, the little death. No wonder - orgasms are extraordinary, versatile, and deep, and often hard to even put into words. But how do you reach this level of ecstasy? Lovers Stores is here to help. Let’s first start with the four stages of pleasure: 

  1. Excitement = The initial arousal that you experience when getting turned on.
  2. Plateau = Steady, repetitive motions that help build pleasure.
  3. Orgasm = A burst of pleasure with release (to be frank!)
  4. Resolution = A refractory period where the body takes a pause from erotic sensations (note: not typically present in those with vulvas!)

In understanding the method to which you get turned on, it is easier to bridge the connection to your pleasure.

Here are our top tips for reaching the big O...


Before anything starts, always begin with open communication. If you’re solo, take a moment to check in with yourself and how you’re feeling. With a partner, converse about what, how, and where you’d like to engage together. This will help create the foundation for a healthy and enjoyable experience.

Start Slow

Let’s visualize the waves you might feel.
In order to reach the peak, you’ve got to work your way up with some foreplay. Whether you’re going solo or with a partner, the initial touching, kissing, and grinding can help stir up your senses. During this, your nervous system gets the green light between your mind and body and helps you get aroused. While your brain gets activated, it’s easy to let your thoughts wander to how you look, your grocery list, and more! If you find yourself veering off the path, try to focus on small details such as breath, aromas, or sensations of touch in certain areas. The more you’re present, the more blood and arousal gets pumping to increase your pleasure.

Stimulate Steadily

Once this pleasure begins to build, find some positions that feel good. This might mean penetration, clitoral stimulation, or focusing on an external erogenous zone. Once you’ve found a spot, engage in a repetitive motion to work your way up. 

Introduce Sex Toys

Studies report that fewer than 20% of people with vulvas can climax with only penetrative sex, while ⅓ of people with vulvas only climax with clitoral stimulation. The introduction of sex toys into your intimate experiences can enhance, heighten, and amplify your orgasms.

The Pleasure Peak

When you’ve reached the climax, all of the pleasure that you’ve built up is released. During this, a wave of oxytocin flows into your bloodstream. Your mind and body experience a deep sensation of happy chemicals, putting you into a state of calming euphoria. 

Happy Ending

While people with penises go into a refractory phase, (a time where the sexual organs take a pause before being able to get aroused again), most people with vulvas can get started again! This is because blood drains from the penis quickly but remains in the vulva longer, allowing for more rounds of pleasure at a faster rate. If you’re feeling it, build up another peak! Or, simply enjoy the good vibes pulsing through your body and savor your state of relaxation.

Remember, there is no “one size fits all” in the realm of orgasms - so take your time, experiment, be patient with yourself, and explore your body to its fullest pleasure potential. The goal is arousal, not orgasm - it’s a journey!

Want more great sex tips?
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