Dana (@danathehardway) is the lead copywriter for Lovers. She is passionate about writing, allyship, sex-positivity, and telling good jokes.
We care so much about your answer to this question that we put it on a billboard! It’s the basis for our Valentine’s Day advertising campaign this year, not only because we love a good play on words, but it’s also our way of raising awareness around a very important topic: we’re talking about the Orgasm Gap.
- What is the Orgasm Gap?
- Why Does the Orgasm Gap Matter?
- How to Honor the Gap: 8 Ways to Stay Mindful of the Orgasm Gap
The Orgasm Gap is the term used to describe the statistical imbalance between the amount of orgasms cisgender, heterosexual women are having and the exponentially larger amount of orgasms everyone else is having. The numbers don’t lie. A study by researchers from the Archives of Sexual Behavior found a significant difference between how often straight and bisexual women reported reaching climax during sex as compared to other groups.
How Often Do You Orgasm During Intercourse?
- 95% - Heterosexual Men
- 89% - Gay Men
- 88% - Bisexual Men
- 86% - Lesbian Women
- 66% - Bisexual Women
- 65% - Heterosexual Women
Sixty. Five. Percent. That’s a 'D' on a term paper.
While it’s important to mention that orgasm isn’t the only meaningful aspect or goal of sex, it’s something we all want and that heterosexual women are getting far less of.
At Lovers, we pride ourselves on helping every person who walks into one of our 40 stores or visits our website reach their pleasure potential, so you can see why such a canyon of discrepancy in women’s pleasure would concern us. We want to bring this matter up in a bigger way, in more spaces and with a louder voice, so we can all begin to help bridge the gap. We’re committed to sex-positive education for all, advocating for important causes and underserved communities, and the belief that pleasure is fundamental to well being. And that’s why we put it on a billboard. Plus what better time of year than, right around Valentine’s Day to talk more about how to spend this sexy holiday bridging the gap!
Want to know how you can do your part to spread the word about the gap and help everyone have more equitable orgasm experiences?
- Get to know your body and use proper terminology for it.
If you’re unfamiliar with your anatomy below the belt, the first step to having more orgasms is to learn about the parts responsible for those sensations. Out of respect for yourself and your orgasm-giving body, refer to your parts by the names science gave them as well. It’s not a flower, it’s a vulva. No one likes to be mis-named, not even your reproductive parts.
- Change up the script during sex.
The Rom Com play-by-play of intercourse... 5 minutes of making out, penetration, his climax, the end... is outdated and definitely not made with women’s pleasure in mind. Most women need an average of 20-40 minutes of foreplay to be fully aroused (which makes it much more likely and easier to orgasm) so don’t skip this step. A slow build of flirting, sexting, or other play can go on all day. The before foreplay, if you will. Other aspects like oral sex and kink can enhance the experience as well.
Go with what (actually) works.
Stimulating the right areas, like your clitoris, consistently and in ways that feel good to you are key to bringing that orgasm to life. Positions that are better for this include when the woman is on top and Coital Alignment Theory (CAT). Using toys like vibrators, wands, and air pulse toys are excellent additions to sex.
- Communicate about what you like.
Get comfortable asking for what you want and need!
- Start talking about women’s pleasure, everyone’s right to pleasure (including yourself) and do so loudly.
In order for us to prioritize pleasure, we must become comfortable with talking about it.
- Get involved in the push for better sexual education in schools and communities that includes women’s pleasure.
Pleasure is a component of sexual health. If we can build this into our sexual health curriculums we can be better prepared to speak to our needs as adults.
- Learn how to watch porn with a more critical eye.
Say it with me now, “Porn isn’t real life.” It can be damaging to your sex life in reality to that the things you see in porn are happening regularly in everyone’s bedrooms. While porn isn’t a bad thing, learning to view it without comparison and through a lens of critical thinking is crucial to consuming it in a healthy way.
- Let go of sexual shame.
You deserve pleasure. You deserve orgasms. End of story.
So, Valentine’s Day is coming….are you? If you’re ready to do your part to close the gap, want to focus on your pleasure this year, or want to gift your friend or lover a guaranteed orgasm in the form of a high-quality, body-safe sex toy, we’re here to help! Lovers has everything you need to make V-day into a multiple O-day. Just look for the billboard!