GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: SEX & ANXIETY ON VALENTINE'S DAY

Dana (@danathehardway) is the lead copywriter for Lovers. She is passionate about writing, allyship, sex-positivity, and telling good jokes.

** Scene: You’re sitting in your home office, making some adjustments to meetings on your calendar. You see that Valentine’s Day is swiftly approaching. Maybe you love this holiday, maybe you simply acknowledge it as an excuse to go out to eat, buy mushy cards (we have great cards BTW check them out), or dedicate an entire night to romance. Perhaps you’ve been with your partner for a while now and want to spice things up, or perhaps your ‘taken’ status is fresh and novel and the desire to please them is strong. Either way, you start thinking of titillating ways to make this Valentine’s Day one to remember. If you’re a hot blooded human of a certain age, you probably have lots of thoughts. “What if I bought something sexy to wear?” “Maybe I should give them a new sex toy we can try together?” “Is chocolate sauce safe to put near my genitals?” **

As you begin planning this sexy escapade...

Are you getting turned on? Or are you getting anxious?

Sex is great, but it can also be overwhelming and hard to enjoy when you feel a ton of pressure to create the perfect fantasy experience. Holidays, Valentine’s Day especially, encourage adults to give the gift of sexual acts that vary from your regularly schedule programming in the bedroom. This can really go either way- good or bad- and there are plenty of variables involved in that, but what if the biggest obstacle to that gift like no other is simply your anxiety around giving it? 

It sounds great in theory, especially if you are a healthy, sexually active adult who enjoys doing intimate things with your partner and wants to keep things interesting. Why not finally do that thing you’ve never agreed to do before? Why not put that naughty toy in a heart-covered gift bag or ask if they’re curious what Cupid (aka you) has on under that trench coat? If you don’t subscribe to the candy and hearts style of Valentine’s Day but still want to participate in the feeling of showing your lover that the flames are still burning, what other option is constantly in our faces but the whipped cream bikini? 

If you’re game for all of this sticky nonsense, then I salute you! But if just the planning phase of this date is leading you to a panic attack, then put down the whipped cream and back away.

The best way to make this the sexiest Valentine’s Day ever? Don’t. 

When the Sexpectations get too high, it can be a ticking time bomb for your nerves. The last way you want to see your erotic night turn out is with both of you feeling awkward or someone feeling ashamed things didn’t turn out how they envisioned it.

Take the pressure off and have an orgasmic Valentine’s Day by:

  • Listening to Your Body.
    Don’t wear the tiny leather teddy if it doesn’t feel good. Don’t buy the vibrator that freaks you out. Don’t say yes if you want to say no.
  • Don’t Forget About Your Pleasure.
    If you’re not enjoying it, neither will your partner.
  • Don’t Overplan.
    Getting stuck on how it HAS to go or SHOULD go that you don’t leave any room for flexing/adapting can end up with you feeling discouraged and disappointed.
  • Do: Plan Together.
    Surprises are fun, but trust is better. Communicating about the experience you’re building together can be just as fun as the experience itself. Let it be part of the foreplay!
  • Do: Laugh, Go Easy on Each Other.
    If it doesn’t work, that’s ok! Make ice cream sundaes and sit on the couch instead. The toppings don’t have to go to waste!

For more ways to make this a V-day to remember, check out our Valentine’s Day Gift Guide.

NOTE: We don’t recommend putting anything on your junk that isn’t specifically made for that area. Chocolate sauce? No. Flavored lube? Yes! Check out our assortment of tasty options.

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Further Readings:

7 Expert Tricks for Beating Valentine's Day Anxiety: Bustle
If You're Not Happy on Valentine's Day, You're Not Alone: Forbes
What Not to Stress About on Valentine's Day: HuffPost

WITH PLEASURE,

LOVERS