HOW TO HAVE BETTER SOLO SEX

Guest written by Missy Modell, a musical parody artist and activist focused on the intersection of social justice and pop culture. Missy is the founder of YES MAM Creative, a consultancy for mission-based brands. You can find Missy on Instagram at @missymodell.

While some may say it’s our original sexuality- it’s one of the formative experiences in learning about our bodies. Despite shame and stigma around this connection to self, it is in fact one of the most giving acts of self-care you can provide yourself! Whether you’re in a relationship, or not, solo sex and masturbation is one of the best ways to learn discover and explore your pleasure. 

QUICK LINKS:

1. Why Should You Masturbate?
2. The Benefits of Masturbating
3. How to Enhance Your Masturbation Experience

Why Should We Masturbate?

Life is stressful! One might say being in the middle of a pandemic, a pending election, and other uncertainties might cause a slight burst in anxiety. In managing the stressors a-plenty obstructing our way AND staying at home more than usual, this feels like pretty serendipitous timing in getting acquainted with yourself. As the brilliant Shadeen Francis, LMFT quoted on our recent Sex Ed Saturday, “Your body is yours, and you have the power to give yourself the soothing or stimulating touch you desire.” 

Key Benefits to Solo Sex

1. The physical, mental, and emotional rewards from masturbation cannot be refuted. When you orgasm, your body releases prolactin (a relaxation hormone) and serotonin (a happiness hormone). 
2. These hormones are connected to decreased anxiety, increased circulation and blood flow, and a sense of calm. While still being studied, many women have also found that masturbating helps to relieve tension and allow for better sleep. Source: Health
3. Masturbation helps to reduce shame! As we challenge stigma and sex-negative ideas, self-pleasure allows us to focus strictly on ourselves - a place and time that exists just for us. 

Even if times are tough and you’re enduring a terrible heartache, it’s important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

—Chelsea Handler

Tips For A Great Masturbation Session:

1. Set The Mood: the brain is our biggest sex organ. 

If your head is spinning with thoughts and the events of the day, it’s going to be really challenging to listen to what your body wants. We get ourselves into a good head space through:

• Mindfulness - doing a quick meditation to clear our head does WONDERS. We love the Calm App.
• Take a bath! (If you’re feeling fancy, add some essential oils or bubbles. You deserve it.)
• Put on a playlist that makes you feel sexy - this is our personal favorite list of tunes

2. Start At Sensual Before Sexual

Even before going straight to the “act”, might we recommend a bit of sensual foreplay with yourself? Look at this as an unapologetic exploration of your body. No shame, no negative talk - just full appreciation of the beautiful person that you inhabit. Start with soft and gentle strokes, touching yourself over your clothing, massaging your neck and shoulders - just utter permission to surrender and feel good. Noises are highly encouraged. 

3. Set Erotic Channel aka Porn

It always helps to have a little support in getting yourself aroused. When we are feeling like we want to listen more than watch, we switch on the app Dipsea, which offers sexy audio stories and “wellness sessions” that spark your erotic imagination. Designed with women in mind, they are relatable and empowered experiences that are diverse and interesting. Think: porn but with really hot radio voices.

If you’re a more visual person, we sometimes start with visualizing fantasies or past experiences that have turned us on. If we need a bit more, we turn on some porn. 

4. Masturbation With Sex Toys

Toys are a great way to figure out the kinds of sensations and vibrations you like. The choices and variety can be overwhelming, but below are some of our favorite toys for solo playtime:

Lovers Juicy G, $69.00

With one button, you can easily choose from 10 vibrating functions and speeds and this powerful dual-stimulation vibrator will bring you pleasure in just the way you please. With 2 motors and a curved shaft, the Lovers Juicy G stimulates your clitoris and g-spot simultaneously. 

The Lovers Juicy G Dual Vibrator is waterproof and submersible. Pair with your favorite lubricant for heightened experience and wash with toy cleaner and warm water rinse after every use.

El Rey Pocket Stroker, $59.00

This stroker does it what it takes to get you there. The Renegade is made of supple silicone that's as wonderful to feel as it is lightweight and portable. The ribbed interior adds extra enjoyable stimulation to this easy-to-use design. Take it with you anywhere and enjoy powerful vibration solo or with a partner.

Vim Wand, $169.00

Light but weighted, powerful but quiet, strong but flexible, this wand will blow your mind with all it is capable of. Vim is a vibrating Wand with a uniquely weighted motor that offers all the rumbling power your body craves. The flexible neck helps you position the wand right where you want it and the wide range of settings flow from gentle to strong, waking up your nerve endings and generating incredible orgasms. Massage as long as you like thanks to the easy to grip handle that keeps the vibrations in the head so your hand doesn't wear out. The strongest toy in the collection, Vim is also 50% quieter and 32% lighter than other leading wands. 

Womanizer Starlet 3.0, $79.00

The Starlet 3.0 is an upscale sex toy designed to stimulate all 8000+ nerve endings in the clitoris. Now available in a bright and cheerful turquoise hue, with 6 power settings, the Starlet 3.0 offers users the largest range of settings ever featured on their entry-level pulsator.

The Womanizer Starlet 3.0 features two embossed buttons and a grip-friendly ABS plastic exterior for quick and easy navigation. This waterproof sex toy is the newest and most sustainable version of the Starlet, for an eco-friendly and guilt-free user experience.

5. Masturbate With Lube 

Not only reserved for partner pleasure, you too can experience the benefits of some extra slip, slide, and moisture (especially when pairing with a toy). Like with toys, you have variety here: silicone, water-based, hybrid, jelly, and CBD!) 

A good place to start here would be with:

• Silicone Lubes
• Water-Based Lubes
• Hybrid Lubes

   

Start Masturbating!

Now that you’re armed with all the information and tools that you might need, go forth, enjoy and discover yourself. Remember, there is no “right” way to do this - masturbation looks different for everyone, as it should. In the midst of all the current chaos, touching yourself truly is the best act of self-love you can provide.

Further Readings:

Is Masturbation Healthy: Planned Parenthood
17 Benefits of Masturbation: Mind Body Green
25 Masturbation Techniques You'll Want to Steal: Buzzfeed

With Pleasure,

LOVERS