What is solo sex?
Well, some may say it’s our original sexuality - it’s one of the formative experiences in learning about our bodies. Despite shame and stigma around this connection to self, it is in fact one of the most giving acts of self-care you can provide yourself! Whether you’re in a relationship, or not, solo sex / masturbation is one of the best ways to learn discover and explore your pleasure.
Why should we masturbate?
Life is stressful! One might say being in the middle of a pandemic, a pending election, and other uncertainties might cause a slight burst in anxiety. In managing the stressors a-plenty obstructing our way AND staying at home more than usual, this feels like pretty serendipitous timing in getting acquainted with yourself. As the brilliant Shadeen Francis, LMFT quoted on our recent Sex Ed Saturday, “Your body is yours, and you have the power to give yourself the soothing or stimulating touch you desire.”
Key Benefits to Solo Sex
- The physical, mental, and emotional rewards from masturbation cannot be refuted. When you orgasm, your body releases prolactin (a relaxation hormone) and serotonin (a happiness hormone).
- These hormones are connected to decreased anxiety, increased circulation and blood flow, and a sense of calm. While still being studied, many women have also found that masturbating helps to relieve tension and allow for better sleep. Source: Health
- Masturbation helps to reduce shame! As we challenge stigma and sex-negative ideas, self-pleasure allows us to focus strictly on ourselves - a place and time that exists just for us.
Even if times are tough and you’re enduring a terrible heartache, it’s important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
Tips For A Great Masturbation Session:
Set The Mood: the brain is our biggest sex organ.
If your head is spinning with thoughts and the events of the day, it’s going to be really challenging to listen to what your body wants. We get ourselves into a good head space through:
- Mindfulness - doing a quick meditation to clear our head does WONDERS. We love the Calm App.
- Take a bath! (If you’re feeling fancy, add some essential oils or bubbles. You deserve it.)
- Put on a playlist that makes you feel sexy - this is our personal favorite list of tunes
Start At Sensual Before Sexual
Even before going straight to the “act”, might we recommend a bit of sensual foreplay with yourself? Look at this as an unapologetic exploration of your body. No shame, no negative talk - just full appreciation of the beautiful person that you inhabit. Start with soft and gentle strokes, touching yourself over your clothing, massaging your neck and shoulders - just utter permission to surrender and feel good. Noises are highly encouraged.
Set Erotic Channel aka Porn
It always helps to have a little support in getting yourself aroused. When we are feeling like we want to listen more than watch, we switch on the app Dipsea, which offers sexy audio stories and “wellness sessions” that spark your erotic imagination. Designed with women in mind, they are relatable and empowered experiences that are diverse and interesting. Think: porn but with really hot radio voices.
If you’re a more visual person, we sometimes start with visualizing fantasies or past experiences that have turned us on. If we need a bit more, we turn on some porn.
Masturbation With Sex Toys
Toys are a great way to figure out the kinds of sensations and vibrations you like. The choices and variety can be overwhelming, but below are some of our favorite toys for solo playtime:
- LOVERS TAKE ME AWAY BULLET: discreet, portable, and multi-dimensional - we love the Bullet and all 9 of its vibration settings. Oh, it’s also waterproof! (Bathtub anyone?)
- WOMANIZER LIBERTY: perfect for self-exploration, this high-end technology and six vibration settings stimulates your clitoris without even touching it. Yes, it’s true - the soft pressure waves gently suck your clitoris, leaving you with a whole new kind of orgasm.
- THUMP AND GRIND STROKER : A luxury stroker with a warming sensation! With three speeds, 7 vibration settings, and thumping that mimics licking, we LOVE the versatility of this toy. There’s also a ‘Turbo Max’ button which puts the licking AND vibrating motors in effect. This instantly boosts both motors up to their maximum speed, giving you an outrageous blast of intense sensation!
- LELO SMART WAND: (as pictured) The LELO wand is extra in ALL the right ways. We're talking extra-long charge and extra-soft silicone, meaning, extra intense orgasms. This ultimate foreplay massager is great for solo play or with a partner, easing your body and reliving stress exactly where you need it. With 10 different massage patterns, a stead handle, and incredible power, be prepared for hours (and hours) of pleasure.
Masturbate With Lube
Not only reserved for partner pleasure, you too can experience the benefits of some extra slip, slide, and moisture (especially when pairing with a toy). Like with toys, you have variety here: silicone, water-based, hybrid, jelly, and CBD!)
A good place to start here would be with:
Now that you’re armed with all the information and tools that you might need, go forth, enjoy and discover yourself. Remember, there is no “right” way to do this - masturbation looks different for everyone, as it should. In the midst of all the current chaos, touching yourself truly is the best act of self-love you can provide.